


The Artisan

by snowxhanyouxqueen



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst and Humor, Blood, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Mutilation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Self Harm, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-07 08:49:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowxhanyouxqueen/pseuds/snowxhanyouxqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inuyasha is a prodigy of the art world, holding talent that no one else of his race and generation could fathom to hold. He could have it all, money, fame, and all the resources at his disposal, but instead he can't help but feel incomplete without the one person who holds his heart so tightly in their hand. AU. InuxSess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is more current and on going. So once all the previous chapters have been put up, there will be updates with new content.

Chapter 1

* * *

It had happened so long ago, Inuyasha wasn't sure if he would ever remember, but a hanyou's memory is true, and when he began to recall the time he had first started to feel the way he did he couldn't stop the movie that played in his head.

He was an artist, not something he was always proud of, but something he couldn't help but do. While there was no money in his line of work most of the time, especially as a younger man, he found himself drawn to the canvas to paint or draw whatever came to his mind. His favourite things to draw were demons, and he would occasionally use ink instead of pencil to recreate the older times of japan. He loved the look of the demons in story books, and with demons being forty-five percent of the population in the world now, it only fed his fascination with drawing them. Sometimes he would paint landscapes, and sometimes he would just sit in public and sketch those who sat nearby or walked passed. It was what he was good at, one of the only things he was good at, and that's how he had begun to feel things for someone he felt he shouldn't.

As he sat as his desk, pencil tapping at the paper in front of him, he remembered his first year in school, when his mother enrolled him in Kindergarden. He remembered sitting at one of the art easels in class, painting on his own as the other children played together around him. It wasn't like he was ever included, and seeing as he was never accepted then as it was, he didn't truly care that he was by himself. In his mind, it was for more entertaining to paint flowers and suns than it was to play dolls and cars with children you wouldn't remember anyway.

But there was one other boy in class who played on his own too. A boy with a horrible white bowl cut and soft yellow eyes. Magenta stripes framed his eyes and stretched across his cheeks, and when he played it was always so quietly, as if he wasn't even there. Like he never existed. Inuyasha recalled being fascinated a little then too, only finding that the child's strangeness to be one of his better qualities. Yet no matter how alone their both were, neither had actually gone over to the other to ask to play or paint. As far as they were concerned at the time, they didn't need anyone else but their paint and their toys. Anyone else would just interfere with their thoughts .

The hanyou shook his head, the smirk he wore through the brief memory fading as he bit his lip and began to sketch the shape of a sharp face. The jaw was slender but strong, and he face was quite thin, yet has a certain roundness to it like his own. His ears flicked and he sighed, his mind throwing him into yet another memory of that awful time.

His parents and the boy's parents had been called into class, if he could remember correctly. He knew it had concerned their choice to not speak or play with one another, and even as the meeting took place they did not once sit near each other and begin to talk and play. The teacher had been kind to the parents, explaining how child interaction was good for a child's brain development, though Inuyasha was sure now that any interaction was the only factor in heart ache and heart break. She had suggested that they be paired together to play and to, as he would put it now, "hang out." Inuyasha never understood how their parents could have agreed, and wondered constantly if they would have agreed if they knew that it would just result in his hearts feelings now. And he remembered so clearly how the boy had looked at him, eyes wide as he studied him and in return, the hanyou studied him with the same wide eyed stare. Their parents smiled and gently pushed them closer, and his mother leaned down, petting his hair and ears back with a big smile.

"Say hello, baby..." His mother had whispered to him and he looked up at her and she nodded in encouragement.

The boy stepped closer and put out his hand, his eyes narrowing with determination, as if making friends with him was only a mission and he had to complete his quest before the time ran out. "My name is Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha had put his hand out and he remembered how soft Sesshomaru's hands were for a child and they shook a little, "I'm Inuyasha."

Looking down at his drawing, the hanyou sighed, wondering why he had let his mother be that kid's friend. It had caused him nothing but trouble for so many years. But as he drew a strong neck to accompany the head and began to flesh out some shoulders and an upper torso, he realized that without Sesshomaru he wouldn't have had any friends now.

It was through the demon that he had learned to let people in, and no matter how much it hurt to be his friend at times, and how badly he wished that they had never met, Inuyasha was glad to call him a friend.

His mind blanking out for the remainder of his sketching, he eventually pulled his pencil away to stare at the line drawing he produced, sighing at the shape before him. Naturally narrowed eyes had placed themselves on the slender face, a small nose just under them with a straight mouth above the chin. Dark lines had appeared under the eyes on the cheeks and on the forehead was a crescent moon. Inuyasha sighed and leaned on his fist as he studied the long hair that flowed off the head of his subject and he grabbed the other pages of the sketchbook, flipping through it quickly, revealing the countless other drawings of the same man.

Over and over, the face of the muse he held stared back at him, multiple different expressions all placed on the face of a single man that Inuyasha wished he knew better. He shut the book, placing it into one of the drawers before leaving the room. He sighed and went over to the kitchen, shaking the coffee pot. Groaning at its emptiness, he placed it back on the coffee maker, fainting feeling a pair of arms circle around his middle.

"Mr. Artiissssttttttt," The voice whined, making the hanyou roll his eyes and grip the counter, "Come back to bed, baby."

"Why are you even still here?" He found himself asking, looking back at the blonde woman who had latched herself onto him sometime last night. Obviously she wasn't getting the point of a one night stand.

"What do you mean? You said you would draw me!" She laughed. God, it was another one of those women. It was obvious that she just wanted free art and to say she knew someone who was famous and ride on his fame by claiming she was his muse. His muse was far away from him now and he did not need her to replace them. In fact, he almost wished he hadn't went drinking last night for the sake of drowning his never ending rotation of emotions. If it meant not meeting her, he'd go back and stop himself, maybe just go to bed alone, but at the same time, the booze were great and they made him feel fuzzy, and it was no wonder he picked her to come home anyway. With the pale blonde hair and bright eyes, even the slender face, it was all just too obvious.

"Look, maybe some other time, but not in this life time. Now just get the hell out of my house, I'm not making you breakfast, and you're a lousy lay." He turned around and pointed towards the other end of the house, "Now please, go before I say something worse."

The blonde frowned and pulled away, "God, who knew artists were such assholes. Well...you are hanyou, I should have guessed that you were just some cruel savage!" She disappeared back to the bedroom and gathered her things. Inuyasha crossed his arms and waited for her to get out of there and he watched her storm pass towards the front door. He stayed in the kitchen, listen as she stopped and stormed back in to the entrance way, "You're such a fucking bastard! Fucking hanyou scum!" And finally the door slammed shut and the hanyou smiled.

"Hanyou scum? If he heard you call me that you'd be dead." He smiled sadly and went back to his bedroom, crawling under the covers. Pulling the sheets and blankets up to his chin, he curled into himself and shut his eyes.

It was all Sesshomaru's fault. All his fault for everything. If he hadn't been so damn perfect, if he hadn't protected him and been his friend, complimented his work and encouraged him, maybe Inuyasha could have lived normally. Maybe he would be living without the exasperation and the insecurity.

Maybe he'd be able to love someone else and have a family.

Instead he was twenty-three years old and absolutely, head-over-heels in love with his best friend, Sesshomaru Suzuki.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

* * *

Inuyasha wiped his hands on his smock, which didn't exactly help his paint covered hands, and walked over to the door, having heard someone knock. He pocketed the paintbrushes in his hand in his back pocket and swung open the door, nearly groaning as Kagome pushed her way inside, not even asking if she could come in.

"No, please, I'm not busy at all. Come in, allow me to make you something because I have nothing better to do." He rolled his eyes and shut the door, following his friend over to his latest painting, "It's for my interview with a gallery...I don't know it's not done yet."

"Well it looks great, Mr. Sarcasm, but maybe you should..um...stop painting people we both know." Kagome winked, gesturing to the painting which resembled their friend, Sesshomaru.

"He has good features for this, okay?" The hanyou growled taking his gear off and dumping the paint brushes into a cup of water, "And what does it matter to you? He isn't going to see it."

Kagome giggled and tapped Inuyasha's nose with a wink, "What if I said we were going to have an old fashioned, high school style sleep over with you, me and Sesshomaru? What would you say about your painting now?"

If there was one person who was aware of Inuyasha's long time crush on his best friend, it was Kagome Higurashi, who was known throughout middle school and high school as the official matchmaker of the school. It was like she had some power to just know who you liked and why, and when it came to her hanyou friend, it was beyond any spiritual power. She had noticed the first time they met, seeing as Inuyasha was not at all subtle in his affairs.

He remembered when she had first pointed it out to him, how she knew that he was in love with the demon, and that it would such a great match she just had to get them together; as if this was some sort of cheesy romance film. The hanyou had spent nearly a month avoiding Sesshomaru and Kagome both because of her and then hesitantly came back when he noticed that she was purposely flirting with him so that he could spare himself any more heart break.

"I'd say that isn't happening, and you're dead to me." He growled, crossing his arms.

"Well...what if I said he would be here in five minutes to meet up with us before we go and buy pizza and snacks?" The girl smiled and went off to the kitchen, "You should probably hide that painting like you hide your creepy stalker sketchbook in the top drawer of your desk."

"How the hell do you even know these things!?" Inuyasha cried, grabbing the half-finished painting and running off to his den, setting it down so he could shove a bunch of other canvases aside to hide the embarrassing painting.

"I'm your best friend, I just know these things!" She laughed and began to rummage through his fridge, "Inuyasha, you need to stock up on more than chinese take-out. You work at a grocery store in your spare time, you can't afford this much junk food."

"God, you're really annoying, you know that?" He growled, shutting the fridge door in her face and crossing his arms.

"I do, and that's why we're having a sleep over, then I can be even more annoying and finally get you love birds together."

"It isn't going to happen. He doesn't like me like that, and I think you're insane..." Inuyasha sighed and went over to his bedroom to change, "If Sesshomaru liked me we'd be together already."

"Inuyasha, do you understand people at all, or are you really such a recluse that you're actually completely naive about emotions?" Kagome crossed her arms and shook her head, "Ugh, nevermind. You're being as stubborn as ever. Just don't start showing signs of heartache while he's over or you know he's going to ask questions."

The hanyou looked over his shoulder, wondering why this was such a big deal to her. As much as he wanted Sesshomaru to be his, it wasn't like it would ever happen. Sure he was never someone to interact with people, and he spent most of his time alone, that was if he wasn't with Kagome and Sesshomaru though. And even when he painted, or went to work, or went for dinner and drinks, it was always on his own. He didn't understand people, and people didn't understand. He preferred it that way.

"I have to change, just let him in if he comes..." He sighed and shut the door.

If he thought hard enough, Inuyasha could pinpoint the exact point in which he fell in love with Sesshomaru. It had first started back when they had been in grade five, when Sesshomaru had peeked behind him as he was painting. The demon had then snuck around him and wrapped his arms around him like friends usually did if they were close, and he told him it was beautiful.

Inuyasha remembered turning red and spurting about how it wasn't that great and that he wished he was better, and all the demon did was shake his head and force the hanyou to look up at him.

_"You're amazing already. The best. I promise."_

Shaking the memory away, Inuyasha stripped down, revealing a quite battered body. It wasn't like he hurt himself on purpose, often, or purposely picked out fights at bars when he was drunk. The scars on his body were from early bullying days. Not like he'd put up with it anymore, and even back then he didn't, though leaving high school and coming home with a black eye and some fresh scars wasn't completely uncommon. It was just because of who he was. People were still a little weary on the half-breed thing, and then you add in the fact that his school named him a prodigy of art and nearly put him in an art school the moment they discovered him only added fuel to the fire the losers started.

It was part of life, and it wasn't like he was ever bullied after Sesshomaru started to step in and fight his battles(though he hated it with a passion).

Pulling on fresh clothes, donning a v-neck and a baggy sweater, along with some better jeans, jeans that weren't paint splattered, Inuyasha walked back out just as Kagome had opened the door for Sesshomaru. He stopped, mouth agape as he watched the demon step into his house, perfect smile, perfect hair, and extremely perfect features all there for the taking. He watched his friend look down the hall at him and the smile only grew as he waved.

"Well look who it is, my best friend and famous artist." Sesshomaru held out his arms as Inuyasha finally managed to push himself to walk down the hall and hug the demon.

"Not yet I'm not. Though you idiots being here is going to put me behind on my portfolio." He glowered at Kagome and pulled away from the demon before he got too attached.

"Well, we could always leave, but I haven't seen you in a while, so how about we go get some food and catch up tonight, hn?" There it was again, that perfect smile, and Inuyasha nearly melted as he nodded in agreement.

Ushering his friends out, Inuyasha grabbed up his keys and wallet, locking his house up and jogging over to Sesshomaru's car. It was going to be a long night, and he could feel it in his bones. The way they ached and stiffened, the way his chest was already hurting, it was just going to be horrible. He had refused to sleep over with Kagome and Sesshomaru once they hit high school just because it would have been too much, though that never stopped them from staying at his house uninvited on many occasions.

All Inuyasha wanted, as he stared out the window of the car, was for Sesshomaru to realize what he did to him. Just for once, the hanyou wanted the demon to look at him and hold him and be with him beyond their friendship bonds. But as they drove off, Kagome demanding they stop fiddling with the CD player and just put it on a radio station, Inuyasha was positive that this would never happen and he'd have to live with a piece missing from his heart until it killed him.

* * *

"Stop shoving pizza in my face, damnit!"

"Oh come on! You barely eat as it is! A growing artist needs his daily dose of cheese and grease."

"That's just fucking disgusting. Can we just throw it in the fridge and deal with it later?"

"There are three slices left, Inuyasha. We'll all eat one, it's not worth saving."

He didn't want the damn pizza, he just wanted them both to leave so he could curl up in bed and deal with his emotions then. They had somehow ended up on his bed, Kagome in her tank top and fuzzy pajama bottoms, while Sesshomaru opted for giving Inuyasha a heart attack by wearing a pair of low rise bottoms that had the hanyou nearly tearing them off. The artist on the other hand decided to just wear his boxers and a large shirt, something that would be comfortable to sleep in, if he did actually sleep.

Taking the piece of pizza reluctantly, Inuyasha ate it with an unamused expression on his face, glaring at his friends, "I hate you both."

"You don't hate us," Kagome pointed out, downing her pizza far too fast for a normal woman.

"If you hated us you wouldn't have come to get pizza and drinks." Sesshomaru said, giving Inuyasha a crooked smile, making his heart race faster than it already was.

Huffing, Inuyasha waved them off and finished off his piece. He checked the clock on his bedside table, sighing as he saw how late it was, "Hey, we should go to bed...I have a shift tomorrow later in the day, and I'd like to get some sleep."

"Skip it, and come hang out with me and Sesshomaru," Kagome laughed, "We were going to go shopping at the mall. I got him hooked on a really amazing manga."

"You're twenty-fucking-three years old and you're making a grown man read manga? Please tell me it's something a little manly."

"Oh shut up, Inuyasha. You're just jealous because you restrict yourself from everything and don't know the joys of cartoons and fantasy."

"I paint cartoons and fantasies all the time, I don't have to read anything to give me that." Inuyasha crossed his arms, his ears pulling back as he narrowed his eyes.

"Calm down, Inuyasha. Have some fun for once. It's been forever since we've all gotten together," Sesshomaru said, wrapping his arm around the hanyou's shoulders, yanking him closer, "You'll hang out with us a little tomorrow, right?"

"God, don't you have a job? Shouldn't you be going to that or like school to become all rich and shit?" Inuyasha frowned, his cheeks turning pink.

"Father gave me a few days off to go catch up with people. He misses seeing you around you know," The demon leaned over the hanyou's head, staring down at him with a smile, "You feeling okay, by the way? You're cheeks are a little flushed..."

Pushing the demon away, Inuyasha growled, "I'm fine, don't be stupid..." looking away, he sighed and scratched behind his ear, "I would come over more often, but I've been busy...I haven't seen my mom and dad in a while either. I'll get around to it."

He looked over in time to catch Sesshomaru looking at him suspiciously, only to catch the hanyou's gaze and quickly mask his emotions on the subject.

It was strange how it was always like this, and it gave Inuyasha the impression that Sesshomaru actually loved him too. What if it was that they were too scared to admit it? What if his best friend had been in love with him this whole time and he didn't even know it? But it was such a low chance, Inuyasha decided to just push the thought out of his mind. Who knew how long he'd have to keep feeling this way, and he hoped it either changed to a less painful love or just disappeared completely, though with the way he looked at him, the hanyou wasn't sure that would ever be the case. He would feel like this forever, and it would kill him. He could feel it, it would be his end and he didn't know how he really felt about it.

"Alright! How are we going to do this?" Kagome clapped her hands together and smiled, "Who sleeps where on the bed?"

"I'll take the middle," Sesshomaru shrugged and tossed the pizza box off the bed so he could crawl over to the centre spot of the queen bed.

"Inuyasha, which side do you want?" The girl asked, winking at him again.

"...Closest to the en suite..." He whispered and got up to turn the lights off and get the room better prepared. He flicked the switch, watching the room get consumed by the darkness of the night before he slowly made his way over to the bed and crawled in next to his friend.

He rolled onto his side so his back was to Sesshomaru. Inuyasha could feel the demon shift a little closer and roll to face the same way and the hanyou wanted to curse out loud and scream. The demon shifted even closer and poked the back of his head gently.

"I'm glad you're okay with this last minute thing...It was nice to hang out with you without you being engrossed in your art..." The demon whispered right into his ear, making the hanyou's heart threaten to burst from his chest.

"It..It's no problem...It was nice to hang out again...like old times..." Exactly like old times, the emotions and fear and all the other things that came along with this torture.

He felt Sesshomaru move away again, and he listened carefully to his two friends until he was sure that they were both sound asleep. Inuyasha put a hand on his face and tried to breathe in deeply, anything to force the feeling of dread out of him. But it didn't work, especially once Sesshomaru rolled over again and threw his arm over him as if they were actually spooning.

The hanyou bite back a whimper and he curled in on himself, his ears flattening against his skull. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to be so affectionate but be totally oblivious to what he was doing to him? Inuyasha pushed himself back into the demon, listening to him grunt and then felt the arm around him tighten. Sesshomaru probably didn't even know what he was doing, but Inuyasha cherished the feeling nonetheless as he fought back the sadness again, as he did every other night. He prayed for morning to come soon, and kept his eyes squeezed shut though his body had no intention of letting him sleep. It was just another thing to add to the list of all the ways the demon was slowly killing him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

Inuyasha had always found it annoying when he wanted to be alone and his friends, or really just anyone, would try and hold conversations and bother him. It was as if his feelings didn't so much as matter to them, and in some ways it hurt to live day by day knowing that you had to conform to their ways. Being alone with your thoughts or your work wasn't an option when Sesshomaru or Kagome were around, and right now the hanyou wanted to focus on a bit of sketching to clear his head.

The night had been horrible, especially with Sesshomaru breathing softly in his ear, holding him without even knowing it. Inuyasha had managed to slip away an hour before anyone else woke up, and locked himself in his den, working on the simplest of sketches. But not that both Kagome and Sesshomaru were awake, they kept trying to walk in on him working and he couldn't stand that. He didn't need Sesshomaru to come in and see how obsessed he was. The demon would be gone before he could even explain why.

Though no matter how hard he tried to block out the obnoxious knocking at his door, Inuyasha couldn't ignore it any longer. Putting down his pencil, he got up and swung open the door to find both his friends crowded around him.

"What are you doing in there?" Sesshomaru tilted his head to look over him, but Inuyasha quickly stepped out and shut the door, "Drawing?"

"Yes, I was sketching, and I was trying to finish it up before you two started knocking." The hanyou grumped, crossing his arms.

"Don't be like that, Inuyasha," The demon sighed and poked his friend's forehead, "Lighten up, you're always so wound up."

Pushing away the hand gently, Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at Sesshomaru, "Sorry, I didn't sleep that much..."

"Why? We weren't bothering you, were we?"

Thinking back on the night, Inuyasha shut his eyes and shook his head, "No...No you guys were fine..." He could still feel the demon's arms around him and his chest began to tighten once again, "Um...Give me a couple minutes to finish up what I was doing..and we can have breakfast."

Kagome smirked at him and shook his head, "Let's have breakfast now. I don't think I could wait another second to fill myself up with some hashbrowns. We should go to Denny's."

"God, do you never stop thinking about food, Kagome? One day you're going to end up fat." Sesshomaru sighed.

"Hey! Don't tell a lady that! Not unless you want to lose your balls!"

"Well it's true, you should really lay off all the pizza. You ate more than us."

"My period is coming, I need sustenance so that my womb doesn't rip me apart from the inside out and burst out of my stomach like Alien."

Inuyasha gave her a disgusted look and shook his head, "I ain't going out for food now..."

"That was a really nasty visual..." Sesshomaru looked at Inuyasha in agreement.

"Oh don't be like that. Your mom's get periods all the time, get used to it. Now let's get dressed and eat!" Kagome went off to the bedroom to find her clothes, leaving Inuyasha and Sesshomaru to wait until she was done. Knowing her, she would just take forever, which was just adding to the torture the artist felt he was going through as it was.

The demon smirked at him and leaned against the wall, "You know, Inuyasha, you've changed a lot since I last saw you..."

"I saw you like a month ago, moron." Inuyasha rolled his eyes and pressed his back to the door to the den.

"I mean like...really saw you. Not just met up for coffee. Like high school. We always hung out then, but lately you seem a little off, are you alright? Is your mom okay?"

"My mother is fine."

It was obvious that he was ignoring the question about himself. He didn't want to lie, he was so sick of lying about how he felt. It wasn't like anyone truly cared as it was, but with Sesshomaru he couldn't lie for long, and if he kept asking questions like this he might just end up breaking down. It wasn't fair that he had to hide how he felt, but it was necessary to keep everything fine in their relationship. He didn't want to lose his best friend over a crush, but it seemed like either way he'd lose something. Inuyasha felt like if he didn't say something he would die himself, but that sounded much better than losing Sesshomaru forever because he was possibly not gay and it would creep him out.

Sesshomaru sighed and shook his head, "Good...good...But what about you? You've been weird all night."

"I'm not weird, I'm just tired."

"You didn't sleep that much, as you said. That could be why, but even when I came you've been...out of it."

"You're imagining things, I'm just fine." Inuyasha forced a smile and twisted the doorknob, "I have to clean up, give me a second."

"I can help you, if you-" Sesshomaru was quickly cut off as the hanyou slammed the door in his face and slid down to the floor.

He hated it when he asked questions and looked into things too far. It had happened all the time in high school once they became closer. Every time the hanyou seemed on the verge of a break down, Sesshomaru would drag him up to the roof of the school and ask him what was going on. Naturally, Inuyasha never answered truthfully in fear of losing him and would just shrug and smirk at him.

_"I'm fine, Sesshomaru...Really."_

_"I never know with you. You worry me sometimes..."_

Yeah right, Inuyasha couldn't believe that he could actually worry Sesshomaru. They were best friends, and yeah, you worry about your friends, but there was no way he worried the way he wanted him too. It wasn't like he was going to go throw himself off a bridge, but with the pressure of being a good artist and missing a piece of yourself, Inuyasha sometimes just wanted to disappear. And it had been that way for as long as he could remember.

Sometimes it was like he just wasn't meant to be here, but his love for someone who would never love him back sometimes carried him further through life. Though sometimes it only sunk him even further. Sesshomaru would never understand what it was like to drown in yourself over such stupid things. So Inuyasha shut his sketchbook full of his beautiful face and put it away before he opened the door and walk out again, "See? I don't need help. I'm fine."

The look that the demon gave him told Inuyasha that he wasn't acting well enough to be believed and he sighed and glared at him. Sesshomaru glared back before cracking a smile and leaning in, "You can't fool me. You probably needed my help, but as always you're so stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn."

"I told you I could help you with the galleries, but you were so stubborn you wanted to do it yourself. How complete is your portfolio anyway?"

"Complete enough that I probably wouldn't have to work at a shitty grocery store, but you know, I want to take things slow."

"You should have gone to art school, you'd already be famous that way." Sesshomaru chuckled.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Inuyasha smirked and shrugged.

"Where's the fun in what?" Kagome asked, throwing her jacket on as she left his room.

"In picking on you with simple insults. We gotta step up our game before our words just bounce right off you." The hanyou laughed, moving past the demon, not noticing how those gold eyes followed him and lingered on his back before he too turned to speak to Kagome.

"Oh please, you love me too much to insult me." She giggled and flipped her hair, "Anyways, go get dressed you two, I want to get into Denny's before they're too full and we get a crappy table."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and went off to find some clothes, trying not to focus at all on Sesshomaru right behind him. He pulled out the most simple clothes he could find and then walked back towards the door, instantly blocked by the demon. "Oi, I need to change, move it."

"We used to change in the same room all the time, Inuyasha."

"Well not today, Sesshomaru, move it, I have to piss too..."

Sesshomaru put up his hands, allowing the hanyou to pass quickly and lock himself in the bathroom to change. Though changing wasn't the only thing on his mind, he also wanted to look like less of a wreck and quickly dressed and fixed his face and hair. He was a little disappointed to find bits of dried paint in his hair, but his passion was an occupational hazard. Maybe one day he'd chop it off, unless, of course, Sesshomaru liked long hair.  _Maybe he likes long hair in bed...so when he has sex he can yank on it..._ Inuyasha thought to himself, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Checking himself in the bathroom mirror, Inuyasha fiddle with his bangs, trying to push them to the side to show some of his forehead, and then to the other side, before he grabbed whatever bobby pins he could find, wondering why he had them again, but quickly dismissed the thought process, sticking them into his hair to keep his bangs out of his eyes. But doing just that didn't seem to please him and soon he was pulling all his hair back, and then letting some of it down. As he fiddled with his hair he vaguely began to hear Kagome's voice on the other side of the door, and possibly across the hall.

Clipping his hair back into some haphazard half-pony, he pressed the side of his head to the bathroom door, trying to breathe quietly as he did so. The voices became a little louder thanks to this and he closed his eyes, trying to focus on just one sense rather than many, making the words more clear to him as he stood there.

"You're so oblivious, Sesshomaru..."

That was Kagome. Her voice was soft, yet commanding, something that was a flaw and a total turn on. That was if he really thought about it, but he rarely did. He just knew that most men he knew wanted a woman in control, well...in the bedroom. Which he was sure she could pull off. She wasn't harsh in her words, but she was giving Sesshomaru the ton she used when she was fed up.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Exactly my point. Oblivious. I'm so sick of standing here and watching you both dance around what is right in front of your stupid faces."

"Kagome, you need to just tell me what the hell you're even talking about. You're doing that thing again, where you assume we know what you mean when we don't."

"God, I'm not called the matchmaker for nothing, stupid demon! Look back at everything you two have been through, and don't you dare tell me you did all you've done for him because you're his best friend."

"Inuyasha is just my best friend, I don't know why you're trying to make this into something."

Feeling the pain return to his chest, Inuyasha forced himself to listen more, wanting to know why this topic even came up. She was going to ruin everything, and he didn't need that. He really, really did not need her opening her mouth on the subject of his feelings.

"He may be your best friend...but the way you look at him..."

"Look, I don't want to talk about this, not right now. He can probably hear us, unless he suddenly became deaf!"

"Fine, fine, but I swear when you really see it, you're going to feel like an idiot."

Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut and quickly swung the door open and walked out. Both his friends stared at him and he stared and blinked back. "Denny's? I thought we were going."

Kagome quickly smiled at him and hooked her arm around his, "Of course! We were just waiting for you. You and your hair. You don't normally do it up like that."

"I was bored."

"Well I think it looks great."

"Whatever..."

They all left the house, the tight feeling in Inuyasha's chest not leaving for a second as they made their way for breakfast. Even sitting through the meal was painful, and though he ordered the smallest dish he could he could barely finish it as his stomach threatened to force it all up. Kagome had asked if he was okay several times as they ate and several more as they went to the mall to pick up the manga she wanted to get Sesshomaru. She even bought him a stack that he pointed out looked fun to read, forcing it into his hands in hopes it would make him look less gloomy, but nothing really seemed to be working. And as the day started to fade, his mood only worsened at the demon's words from the morning.

Was he really just his best friend? Was he right all along, or was Sesshomaru in just as much denial as he was? If it was the former, Inuyasha knew he would have to write his will soon, and possibly visit his parents soon.

Even thinking about his parents made him feel worse as they drove him home and made promises to pick him up after his shift to hang out more. His parents were probably just as oblivious to his pain as well. He set down his new books on the couch and went to find his uniform, wanting nothing more than to just crash on the bed and cry. Though he knew he couldn't, he still found himself on the floor, gripping his hair and trying to force the pain away. His hands clenched into fists, and he found himself with a few more bruises on his abdomen when he finally changed into his dress shirt and work pants.

Eventually leaving the house after a few more moments to counteract the pain in his heart, Inuyasha made his way outside again and got into his own car, turning up the music, and driving off. At least with the music on no one would be able to hear his sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

* * *

"That will be Twenty-Two Eighty-Six.."

"I have a Fifty."

God, was this old hag trying to make things worse for him? Not only were his eyes still a little pink from his episode on the way to work, but his head was far too clouded with overwhelming thoughts and memories to bother with math. Checking the bill, he placed it on the register as he slowly counted out the correct change before he tucked the bill under the tray. He handed the woman her changed and removed the last full bag of groceries from his counter, clearing his screen and sending down the divider.

It was like this almost all the time, the customers just coming in and coming out, trying to make small talk and failing depending on the person. Sometimes he would have one who could hold a conversation, and he would take a little longer to ring up the food before he had to let the customer go. It reminded him of his mother and father when they took him out shopping. Izayoi was just one of those people who loved to talk, as she was a woman, though she was very polite about it.

His family wasn't poor, and they were very well off, as his father had worked in a well known company and was one of the higher ups running it. His mother worked within the same company, though she was merely an assistant to the big boss. They lived in a discreet home, not too large, yet not too small, and he remembered playing in the backyard, or lazing about in the sun while his mother had a friend over with fresh lemonade and cookies. His father always played with him when he could, and when he couldn't he would make up for it in gifts. Usually they were colouring books or stuffed animals, his parents weren't big in video games so they opted on buying him things that would keep him innocent and educated. He hated that though, as he could be much more forward about his emotions if he had played video games filled with blood and gore rather than reading classic novels and painting the flowers in his mother's garden.

But when they went to the grocery store, his mother always stopped by the bank to take out a few twenties as she didn't want to start handing out large bills and cause the teenage kids who worked cash a hard time. Izayoi would hold small conversations, and she was pleasant about it, laughing and smiling, occasionally complimenting the older workers when they were around. His mother was the nicest woman he knew, and his father was equally admirable.

He hadn't seen them in forever though, and most of the memories with them were sweet and uneventful, not worth dwelling on.

He scanned the next customers items, willing his thoughts away so he could concentrate. Luckily this one had pulled out a credit card, allowing him to just press a button on the register's keyboard and print the receipt. He glanced at the screens time as he cleared the order, hoping it was closer to closing than it was, and silently rejoiced as he noticed he had an hour left before the manager came around to do his thing.

All Inuyasha wanted to do was go home, eat whatever was left in his fridge and sleep until the next evening. Maybe he would drown himself in vodka and die of alcohol poisoning, though that was highly doubtful. Just as doubtful as Sesshomaru ever returning his love. Just as the demon crossed his mind, the stores doors slid open and the man in question walked in alone, grabbing a basket and disappearing into one of the aisles.

The hanyou's breath hitched and he quickly went through the rest of his line, wanting nothing more than to get off duty before the demon could come up and pay at his till. He was so engrossed in his job, his mind finally slipping away from him that he hadn't noticed his boss come up behind him and tap his shoulder. Whipping around, Inuyasha's eyes widened.

"Mr. Setsuna..." He said, turning back to his till to finish up the last person, glancing behind her in hopes that Sesshomaru wouldn't show up.

"I need you to close the store tonight. I have to run home to check on my wife," Takemaru Setsuna explained and he knew at that moment that he would be stuck in some sort of story about why in a matter of seconds.

Clicking the right keys, he opened the register, grabbed out the woman's change and cursed as Sesshomaru loaded his purchases onto the belt.

"She's pregnant and has terrible morning, afternoon, and night sickness, apparently, and I can't stand around here babysitting an artist when that's going on. I may have to make you work all week and close up the store if she doesn;t get better, but I'll make sure I call you. You aren't busy are you?"

"No, sir...Just painting, that's it."

"Good, then you aren't busy at all. Here are the keys, make sure you check all the doors."

Inuyasha frowned, grabbing his friends items, quickly glancing at his face. Judging by his features, he knew that he was fighting back the urge to defend him, but he seemed to throw away the emotion and smile, pulling out his card to hand to the hanyou after all the items were put through. Inuyasha took the card and the keys, pocketing one while he swiped the other. He turned the pinpad towards the demon and leaned against his register.

"So what are you doing here anyway?" He asked casually, watching the receipt print and then tearing it off to hand to him.

"I figured I'd come over again after you're done here and make food since you have none."

"You don't have to."

"Well I want to."

Inuyasha blushed and looked away, "I have to close up..."

"I'll wait."

"Again, you don't have to. I have my car here."

"We can pick it up in the morning."

"It won't be here in the morning. Look, I'll meet you at my house. I didn't lock it, just let yourself in and get cooking if you want to so bad."

Sesshomaru chuckled and shook his head, "You're impossible...I'll see you there then."

"Yeah, yeah..." Inuyasha sighed and cleared the screen. His shift was up, and he watched Sesshomaru back out of his stall and leave before he started to close up the store. It wasn't the first time he had to do someone else's job simply because he was "just an artist" and he didn't mind it too much, besides the time it gave him to think more.

He wondered why Sesshomaru insisted on making him dinner when they were apparently nothing but friends. If he didn't think of him like that he wouldn't make him dinner, so it was just all around confusing. Finally leaving the store though, Inuyasha quickly made his way home, music beyond loud, his screams swallowed up easily. He sat in the car for a moment longer, willing his pink eyes to go away and wiping at his cheeks quickly. He felt weak, but his mind was far more confused than ever. He wanted this to be something, but he knew it wasn't. He knew Sesshomaru was just being a nice friend, trying to do something for him because he looked distressed. The hanyou hated feeling like a beaten puppy, and he hated standing there while the demon tripped over himself trying to help him.

Eventually leaving the car, Inuyasha walked in and kicked off his shoes. He couldn't smell any food, meaning Sesshomaru was slacking off in his promise for food. He looked around, not finding the demon anywhere in sight, though he couldn't remember leaving his den door open. His heart pounding loudly in his chest, Inuyasha crept around the door frame and stalled, his eyes widening as he saw Sesshomaru standing about his desk, one of his many sketchbooks in hand. He was flipping through it and all the hanyou could see was the back of his head, long hair almost reaching the back of his knees.

"W..What the hell are you doing?" He whispered, watching Sesshomaru whip around, eyes wider than usual as he stared at him.

"Inuyasha..."

"What the hell are you doing in here?" He was beginning to panic, his eyes slowly travelling to the book in his hand. He could faintly see that it was one of the new ones, the one he had been drawing in that morning and he quickly jumped forward to snatch it from the demon.

"Inuyasha, I could as the same for you...Those are..."

"You shouldn't have come in here. The door is closed for a reason..." Inuyasha shoved the book back into the desk and stormed out of the room, his hands clawing at his scalp as he tried to think properly again, as properly as he could.

He saw them. He saw the sketches and he probably knew now. It was too soon for this. Far too soon, and he couldn't handle how hard his heart was beating.

"You can't do that...That is private, you shouldn't have been in there!" He shouted, turning to Sesshomaru again, "Why did you even go in there!? What the hell were you thinking? You're my best friend, you're supposed to respect my shit, Sesshomaru!"

"You were being so secretive and off, I wanted to know why," The demon narrowed his eyes, obviously not appreciating being yelled at. But he deserved it. He so deserved it now that his secret was on the edge of being out. "I went in there expecting to find porn or something, but instead I find a sketchbook full of my face and body in almost every form you've seen me in."

"You weren't supposed to find it..."

"Really...And what, you were going to just hide behind that door and draw me secretly for the rest of your life?"

"Well what else am I supposed to do when you are so oblivious!?"

"There it is again! You and Kagome both have said it, I don't get what the hell you're trying to tell me! Is it the book? Is that what she was talking about?"

"You need to leave. I can't tell you because you would never get it, so just go!"

"I'm not going!"

"You have to!"

"Why, Inuyasha? Why?" The demon stepped forward and grabbed the hanyou's shoulders.

Inuyasha felt the words on the tip of his tongue and he opened his mouth but no sound came out. He felt his heart beat in his chest and his eyes grew blurry as he felt them begin to water. He watched the demon's face change, his grip loosening, but it was too late. He couldn't hold it in anymore, his tears spilling down his face as he struggled to tell the man he loved what he truly felt for the first time.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

_"Get up!"_

Inuyasha tossed in his sheets, eyes squeezing shut as the images continued to play behind his lids, making his heart pump faster. It was one of those dreams where he wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. It was terrible, seeing Sesshomaru standing there with his sketchbook and then watching him cry. The hanyou felt terrible, and he struggled to explain to his dream love why he was drawing him in secret and how he was so desperately in love with him he felt he couldn't breathe without hearing his voice.

"Up! Inuyasha, are you even listening!?"

Growling, the hanyou opened his eyes, not liking that he was completely torn from his dream before he could confess, "What the.."

Kagome stood above him, frowning as she tried to yank him up, "Get up! It's been days since you've been out of bed!"

"I was dreaming..."

"You can't stay in bed forever!"

"I almost told him..."

"Yeah, yeah and then you fell into a fit of tears that he actually freaked because he thought you were going to have a heart attack, so our kind friend put you to bed, phoned me when he found that you were covered in bruises and then left you here in this horrible state."

"Wait...so...him finding my sketchbook..." Inuyasha sat up slowly and grabbed Kagome's arm, pulling her down to look at him in the eye, "That wasn't a dream at all?"

"No, you moron." She pouted and pulled away, "He found it and phoned me freaking out."

"Oh god..."

"Don't worry, I didn't tell him anything and he still doesn't know. Oblivious as ever...You should really stop letting people go into your house without you there."

"Fuck..." The hanyou raked his hair back, happy that at least his bangs were moving to the side now, probably from how he was sleeping, "I...I...Has he come by? Have you been here the whole time?"

"Well..It's been nearly a week...and I come by every second day to make sure you're not dead. And he hasn't come when I've been here. He phones. You have like fifty messages on your answering machine."

Inuyasha bolted up, scrambling out of bed to find the phone so he could listen to the messages. They never used to have the need for electronic communication, and the hanyou hadn't even gotten a computer until nearly the end of high school because his parents had finally caved. Even then it was barely used, and though Sesshomaru told him to add him on weird sites like Facebook and MSN, he never even made an account. Not until he started to really get serious into opening his own gallery. That was when he made a couple pages to gain a bit of a fanbase and then had Sesshomaru add him on there.

He commented on every picture, even if it was one he took himself of them both. Mind you, he was always a little odd like that, wanting to really play up the best friend thing. Inuyasha liked it, he liked the attention but it was always hard to get through, being madly in love with him and all.

Finding the phone, he dialed in his number and then his code to access his messages, sliding himself down to the floor as the messages started to play.

_"Hey, It's Sesshomaru. Look...You're right, I was rude and I shouldn't have gone in there, but it was a little...shocking..."_

Inuyasha clicked seven.

_"It's me again...I haven't heard back from you. Um...I just want to make sure you aren't dead."_

Seven.

_"I saw those bruises. If I find out you do that to yourself...I'll...Well I can't do anything because I don't even know if you do them yourself. But if you don't I can beat the guy up for you since you clearly aren't beating him up yourself...Fuck this sounds stupid.."_

Inuyasha pulled the phone away and quirked an eyebrow. Well that was an odd message. He remembered when he was living at home still, how his mother would pass him the phone off the wall and the demon would try and act all tough on the line while his own parents were around him and then begin to struggle for the right words. It was a funny memory, and Inuyasha couldn't help but smirk as he clicked seven again, just to listen to his voice one more time.

_"Look..I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...And when you're not...well, I don't know what...but when you aren't crying anymore...or you don't feel like crying anymore...just give me a shout...Shit...I really didn't think you..Nevermind...We can talk later okay? Just call me back, for fuck sake."_

Sighing, Inuyasha turned the phone off and pulled his knees to his chest, hearing Kagome come over and sit next to him and lean her head on his shoulder. In return, he leaned his head on hers and closed his eyes. He felt her arm slip around him and rub his side, letting out a sigh as well.

"You know...I feel like I should tell him in your place sometimes, like some middle school girl drama. But I can't...I can only hint at him for so long. You need to tell him. I can see what it's doing to you, and I don't want you to end up dead because of simple heart ache." She whispered.

"I can't tell him...I can't. He already flipped out at me drawing his face, and I knew he was going to leave me for good if I didn't make up some lame excuse." Inuyasha groaned and rubbed his eyes, "It's so stupid...Being afraid like this, you know?"

"It's not stupid, Inuyasha. You just need help in being pushed in the right direction," Kagome sat up and smiled, "Give me a chance to get you two together. Just one more. I'm sure I can get him to at least realize your feelings and his own, and then the rest will be up to you and your talent, alright?"

Shaking his head, Inuyasha sighed with a small smile, "You're insane...But again, you are the matchmaker of our grad class...By the way, when are you going to hook up? For someone who is practically the guru of love you haven't been getting any action at all."

"Hey, don't rub it in. I'm too busy with your puppy ass to deal with my own feelings."

"Sure, you're just as much a loser as me and Sesshomaru."

"Oh, don't you dare start!"

Laughing, the two of them got up off the floor, the hanyou feeling a little better knowing he had one person who wasn't judging him with his strange love. Kagome had always been great, maybe a little annoying at times, but it was how she was. Strong, sacrificing and always level headed. She knew what to do to make you feel better, she didn't take your shit, and when it came down to you needing a shoulder to cry on, she was the girl who would hold you the whole night while you wept and not tell a soul the next morning.

Kagome was his best friend, and he knew he could count on her when it came to Sesshomaru. Even if the demon seemed so far out of reach.

* * *

"Oh! Inuyasha! We haven't seen you in so long!"

Inuyasha stood awkwardly in his best clothes on his parent's doorstep, figuring that maybe before he died of some sort of heart break he should see his parents. Plus, if the constant letters and emails and other various means of communication his parents were using to get into contact with him wasn't enough, it was his father's annual family dinner. Which meant he had no choice but to look good and visit.

His father liked to hold dinners with just his family, and even throw in a friend or two in there as well. Sesshomaru's family usually came, but his mother hadn't mentioned anything about their presence. If they were coming, they weren't here yet, which meant he could breathe properly for at least one meal and deal with the blabbering of his parents instead of his nagging mind and a year's worth of memories spilling into his brain. Not that he completely minded the memories, but at the moment it was like each one was sending a dagger into his heart, and he highly doubted that his parents would appreciate him dropping dead on their brand new carpet.

"Come in, baby, let us get you a drink. Maybe something strong for my young man." Izayoi smiled and gently held his arm like she had begun once he had hit his growth spurt (though his father still did not believe that a man could be five foot six and still call himself grown).

His mother had always been beautiful in her youth, and as years passed it almost seemed like she hadn't aged a day. In truth, she had, but Inuyasha knew that age only made her far more radiant, and with the eyes of an artist, he wished that she had been her muse. Her skin was still pale as ivory, and her lips were red like her favourite wine. Even her brown eyes seemed to glow with pride at the sight of him, and the hanyou couldn't help but stop her and wind his arms around her waist. Kissing both cheeks, he smiled at his mother genuinely and wiggled his ears.

"You look as beautiful as ever, mother." He said and kissed her cheek once more before he allowed her to giggle and carry him further into the house.

"Inuyasha! You're so sweet to your old mother." She smiled and hugged his arm, dragging him over to their kitchen where his father was finishing up one of his many meat and cheese platters, "Darling, our son has become the perfect gentleman."

"Is that so, Izayoi?" The demon smiled and took a good look at his boy before turning back to his food, "A fine gentleman, at that. Have you grown much?"

"No, sir. I stopped growing a year ago. I'm five six now."

"It comes from your mother's side. Human men have always been small, but they are ferocious when you try and spirit their daughters away." He picked up the platter and laughed at his wife's blush, "Come, son, let's go sit down and eat. I'll get you a glass of wine."

Despite his displeasure for having to crawl out of his pit of depression and see his parents, he was already feeling better about his situation with his parents smiling like that. His father, despite his status, was always cheerful and proud to have Inuyasha as his son. He was where the hanyou got his looks, as the old man had equally long hair, bangs, and a rounder face than most full demons. He had purple stripes on his cheeks, and they had only smoothed over the years. Inuyasha remembered being little and sitting in his father's lap, touching his face and examining his marks. The only difference between them was his own crippling anxiety and fears of the world, his depression and mutilation over simple things, while his father was calm and collected, far more easy going and loose.

"Merlot, if it's available." Inuyasha said, smiling as his mother sat him down in his usual spot on the couch and handed him a tiny paper plate and a napkin.

"Eat up, my baby boy," She cooed and patted his head, "I have to freshen up before Taisho and his wife come."

"Oh, so they are coming? You never mentioned that they'd be here tonight."

"Well...it was a little last minute, but they had been asking about you, so I figured maybe we'd all get together like old times. I don't know if your friend, Sesshomaru will be here. Though the Suzuki's have never missed one of our larger dinners."

"You're right, I shouldn't have been so surprised." He chuckled and grabbed at the little sliced bits of meat and cheese, even grabbing a few sliced pickles as well. His father went far beyond what he should for small gatherings, but he didn't mind. He would be eating his fill for the next few weeks for sure.

Sitting alone now, his mind wandered off to his significantly different behavior around those close to him and not, wishing that there weren't such large extremes to his personality. Sesshomaru knew him as occasionally formal, but quite rude when it came to such simple things, though Kagome only knew him as depressingly quiet and beyond rude. His formality with his parents was no act though, as he had respected them for years, and it would be horrible of him to start spewing curses and acting like the slob he was when alone or around his friends. It wasn't even his nature, it was beyond that level of natural instinct. He knew this was him in his rarest form, and that everything else was merely something much deeper than his true self.

Though at times he wished he could snap at his mother and father, he couldn't. Even if he wanted to, he found himself being pure and honest and polite, even acting so when they brought the Suzuki's over. This was how Sesshomaru knew that this was normal, he'd been here enough times to know.

No sooner had his father returned with his wine did the door bell ring and Izayoi rushed to the door to greet her guests. Taking a sip, quite a large one, to calm his nerves, Inuyasha followed his parents into the entrance hall, smiling politely when the Suzuki's were greeted inside. Going first to Sesshomaru's mother, who was the source of his love interest's looks, Inuyasha embraced her and kissed her cheeks.

"Mrs. Suzuki, you haven't aged at all. It's been so long." He chuckled as she gently tugged at his ear for his compliment.

"Just as suave as ever, Inuyasha. I do hope your painting is going well. I look forward to your first gallery opening, I already have a summed saved for whatever favourites I find." She smiled and kissed his forehead, allowing the hanyou's father to take her coat and lead her in for wine.

"There's the budding artist! It's been so long Inuyasha, I'm positive you've grown since we last saw you!" Taisho's booming laugh filled the room and he came over, pulling Inuyasha into a tight hug.

"It really has been, sir!" He coughed out, patting the man's arms, "I've grown two inches, father still thinks I'm short."

"Well, it's not like he can talk! Look at the man!"

"Taisho, just because you're taller than most basketball players doesn't mean you're any better than me." Inuyasha's father chuckled shaking the other demon's hand.

"Oh that's what you think. We already proved this back in college, when we came up with that stupid bet where we had to find one hundred women and-"

"Shut up! Izayoi doesn't need to know about those days!" His father hissed and then burst out laughing as he ushered his friend inside, "Go make yourself comfortable! I'll get you some wine."

Inuyasha chuckled, remembering that story well. They made a bet that neither could bed a hundred women in a month. Needless to say, his father had beat Taisho by one woman, who was in fact his mother. It was a cheesy story when he heard it, and it was just as cheesy now.

"That story is so disturbing, I don't know how you can stand to even be in the room when you hear it, Inuyasha." A familiar voice said from the door.

Turning around, Inuyasha felt his heart stop.

Could one man look so perfect in a suit after he busts you and your secret obsession? The answer was yes, because if his embarrassment of the whole situation wasn't still fresh in his mind, Inuyasha was sure that he would have fallen to his hands and knees and begged for a beating. Sesshomaru had never looked better, and in that moment the hanyou knew he was in for one more night of pain. It would all be worth it though, because maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't need Kagome to set them up after all.

If only his nerves would settle down and allow his heart a chance to beat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for the random centering i still dont know why it does that for some of the chapters i post and im like fhcgriuhfgjwoeg what even.

Chapter 6

* * *

"That story is so disturbing, I don't know how you can stand to even be in the room when you hear it, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru said, smirking as Inuyasha turned around.

It took him several seconds to restart his heart, and several more to come up with the right words without sounding like a jerk.

"It's cheesy, but it is how my parents met. I can't help but appreciate knowing that it's because of a college romp that I'm here today." He chuckled and stepped out of the way for the demon to enter the house, quickly shutting the door and leaning against it to take a deep breath.

"True, we wouldn't have you if it were not for our father's careless challenges in their youth."

"Exactly, though father doesn't like to talk about how he had to have sex with ninety-nine other women to meet my mother. "

"Well I wouldn't say that is a good subtext to their long marriage." Sesshomaru shook his head with a smile, "I'd like some wine, let's go sit with our parents and see what the latest gossip is, hn?"

"Oh god, please don't tell me you're actually interested in gossip?"

"Only when something strange happens..." The demon looked back and eyed the hanyou closely before he went on into the house, seating himself next to Izayoi.

Standing there like a deer in headlights, the events of the nights before flashed in his mind, making the hanyou begin to shake. That look, that god damn look, wasn't the look of someone forgiving. He felt trapped, and that familiar anxiety began to build up in his chest. He needed to stop it, he needed it all to stop. He really did not want to remember his best friend's face when he turned to look at him this day and the last. It hurt, it all hurt, and Inuyasha felt so stupid for thinking that maybe Sesshomaru wouldn't come. He always came. It was a tradition now, he wouldn't have not come even if the world was falling apart. Even if they had stopped being friends, the hanyou knew he would still come over and enjoy a dinner in peace before pushing him down and going on his merry, beautiful way.

"Inuyasha? Are you coming?" He heard his mother call, and he shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I...I'll be there in a moment, mother. I have to relieve myself." He quickly said and bolted up the stairs, heading for the bathroom in his old room.

Despite their want for privacy and too look more middle class, his room had an en suite as large as his parents. It was just how it was. They wanted him to have his privacy and to go to the bathroom without having to travel out of his room. They knew that a boy would one day need his privacy and they trusted him completely.

Which was stupid.

So, so stupid.

In middle school he had grown a bad habit of harming himself, with his claws, blades, his fists, it didn't matter. It wasn't like he completely identified himself as a self mutilator, or depressed, but he knew that there were times when he wasn't okay, and after catching some guy at school who was all dressed in black, slicing his arms up in the men's room he may as well try.

It had only resulted in a need for pain to counteract pain, and he was not proud. But he was sure he had something in there. Maybe the blades, maybe some strong pain killers or sedatives to calm his nerves. His mind was racing, his heart was about to break through his chest, and if he was going to make it through this dinner, and possibly the night, he would need whatever was in that bathroom. Throwing open the door, and trying his hardest not to slam it, Inuyasha tore through each cupboard to find anything to help him. Yanking out several empty bottles of some drug store Tylenol and Codeine mix, he growled and ripped through everything, incapable of finding anything remotely useful.

"Fuck!...Fuck fuck fuck!" He snarled to himself and decided to just sit on the ground for a couple seconds and breathe.

Not like breathing itself ever helped, but he didn't have anything left in this house, at least nothing to stop the pain. Before even he could stop himself, his fist connected with his abdomen several times, nearly winding himself before he felt the physical pain sink in and the heart ache phase out. He exhaled, hanging his head as he smiled in shame, "God...I am so fucked up for some prodigy..." He whispered and slowly got up, flushing the toilet and running the tap for a couple minutes before he went back downstairs and picked up his wine.

His parents and guests looked at him curiously for a moment as they spoke about their recent lives, soon leaving him to sit in his chair and sip his wine. The hanyou was finding himself a better actor than he thought, and by the time it was dinner he was sure everyone thought he was perfect normal and fine. Except for Sesshomaru, who when he sat down beside him during dinner, leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm just fine, Sesshomaru..."

"Look...I'm just worried. You know you can tell me what's going on right?"

"I told you I'm fine. There's nothing to tell." Inuyasha shrugged and served himself, ignoring all conversation for the entirety of the meal unless there was a question or comment directed to him. Besides that, he stayed quiet and ate as much as he could and more, trying to look as normal as he could despite the fact that he felt like he might vomit with all the anxiety that was coming back.

What nearly stopped his heart though was the ruffling of the table cloth and the hand and squeezed his thigh in comfort. The hanyou glanced down and gasped quietly, noticing who the hand was connected to. Was the demon insane!? Did he know what he was doing? Perhaps he wasn't so oblivious, or maybe he had the same feelings, either way, that almost intimate touch had his heart racing for the rest of the meal and well after he had helped clear and wash the dishes with his mother. He could still feel the warmth of the hand, and he sighed as he dried the last dish and put it away. It felt too good to be true, and he wished that Sesshomaru would just be his to touch him all the time. If it was a gesture of comfort, it only made him feel worse, but it was worth it in every way.

Figuring he needed some air, he excused himself outside, leaning on the banister of the patio, crossing his legs at the ankle as he looked over the back yard and the tall trees. It seemed that his mother hadn't really tended to it in a while, as the garden beds and grass seem to overgrown and neglected. He could understand that she might not have the strength to be down there all the time, but it still looked beautiful to him. The whole scene brought a picture to his mind, forcing him to close his eyes as the details all poured in for a piece he wanted to bring to life like this. The overgrown flora and fauna, the chipped and moss covered fountain, the willows hanging, creating shade for the most perfect creature to sit under as it seduced a child into its arms.

As the scene became more fleshed out, Inuyasha barely noticed the presence beside him until he heard someone cough and his eyes snapped open, looking to his right to see Sesshomaru.

"You never returned my calls. I didn't want to say anything inside, but I was worried." The demon murmured, looking out over the garden as well.

"I didn't have time. I was busy thinking that everything that happened was a dream." God, when did he suddenly become so honest? It was probably because his and the demon's parents were just on the other side of the glass, able to hear them if they focused hard enough.

"To be honest I thought it was a dream too...So...Why were you drawing me? Or at least...I think it was me."

"I don't know...Artists appreciate beauty...in all forms...You have all the right...angles and tones and qualities of something I find to be the perfect being. So I draw you...and I'm sorry. It's so stupid to be obsessed with your face when I'm an artist and I could go out and draw everyone's face as a study instead of drawing yours from memory." Inuyasha blabbered, wishing he could punch himself out to make him shut up.

"By memory? You're kidding!" Sesshomaru smiled and looked at him, "You didn't use a reference at all?"

"What? No! Of course not...We've been around each other since kindergarden, I don't need a picture to know what you look like..." Inuyasha looked away and pouted his bottom lip. He was too talented to sit there and draw from a shitty webcam photo.

"Woah...I just...woah...So you think I'm beautiful, do you? That's an interest compliment to give another man." The demon chuckled and Inuyasha growled.

"Shut up! Don't put it that way!" He blushed and tried to hide his face by looking away again, but Sesshomaru quickly grabbed his chin and forced his eyes on him.

Those glorious golden eyes, it was like staring into the sun but much less painful and more fulfilling. In the outdoor lighting, the hanyou could make out each and every strange of the demon's snow white locks. It was like looking at an angel, or some other cliche figure. The demon smirked and poked the hanyou's cheek.

"Thank you...Knowing that that was the reason really closes that door...I was worried that you were stalking me, but you don't leave the house much to do that...I just feel special knowing I'm that much of inspiration to you."

"You have no idea..." Inuyasha mumbled, glancing away.

"Hn?"

"Nothing...Let's go inside. I have a feeling I drank too much. You staying over?" Inuyasha pulled away and went to head back inside.

"Well, as long as we bunk as usual. I don't want to sleep on the couch. I remember the last time I did and I had quite a fright when your mother and father ran downstairs naked looking for whipped cream." Sesshomaru sighed and scratched the back of his head, "I'll never get the image of your naked parents out of my head again."

"Ugh, nasty. I remember that...I think I saw my dad's junk..."

Returning inside, the feeling of anxiety didn't leave him, despite knowing that the demon didn't mind at all now that they had cooled off. But he never asked about the bruises, and that lead to Inuyasha believing that he would bring it up when they were truly alone. It neared closer and closer to the time they would all need to retire, as they had all had maybe one or two bottles over what they should have had that night. The older demon's and Izayoi bid their goodnights soon enough, the hanyou's parents showing the Suzuki's to their guest room while Inuyasha lead Sesshomaru up to his room.

It had been a long time since they had slept in there together, the last time being just before high school ended for them. The demon had slept on the ground, but tonight the hanyou hoped that he would sleep in his bed, even if it did cause him pain in his heart.

"So where do you want me?" Sesshomaru asked, already stripping down and rummaging for something big enough to wear in the hanyou's drawers. Some of his older clothes were still in there. He hadn't had the time to go through them.

"It doesn't matter...You slept in my bed when you slept over at my house, so I don't mind..." He whispered, quickly grabbing a large shirt from the drawer before Sesshomaru could shut it.

Noticing the demon's back had turned, he sat on the bed and took his pants off and unbuttoned his shirt, leaving himself in nothing but his boxers. He had his arms in his sleeves and was hoping to have the shirt over his head before the demon could look over, but he hoped too late, as specimen in question turned his head slightly to glance at him and his eyes widened.

"Those bruises..." He heard the demon whispered as he turned to face Inuyasha fully, "They're fresher than I remember..."

"It's...It's nothing. Leave it alone." The hanyou insisted and tried to put his shirt on, only to have the demon bring his arms down and kneel in front of him.

"Be honest...where the hell did these come from?"

"Why do you even care? I'm not made of glass..."

"That's what you tell me, but it's not what I see, Inuyasha. Where...why are these here?"

What did he tell him? That he beat himself? That someone else did? Maybe the classic 'I woke up and there were there'? No, that wouldn't work. He knew Sesshomaru knew about them already, and he probably already suspected that he did it himself. The demon wasn't so stupid to think that the artist would let anyone touch him to do this.

With a sigh, Inuyasha hung his head and shook it, "It's nothing...It's so stupid, you'll just hate me."

"Tell me, Inuyasha. I'm your best friend, I want to make sure you're alright."

"Best friends don't kill each other with emotions, Sesshomaru." He murmured, looking up at the demon.

"What was that?"

"I do it myself. Now drop it. It's not something that's a big deal, I needed to make everything stop for five second so I could breathe and think properly. Drop it... _Please_."

The demon sat back and gave Inuyasha a look he hated more than any other. It was one of sadness and sympathy, and he wanted to slap it off his face and make him kiss him or something. But it wouldn't happen and the hanyou could do nothing more than reach out with a shaky hand and place it on the demon's cheek.

"Don't look at me like that...Let's just go to bed...We can hang out with Kagome tomorrow...and she can probably explain me better than I ever could..." He smiled and pulled his hand back, finally managing to pull his shirt on.

Sesshomaru nodded and stood again, going back to changing before they both crawled into the double bed. It was a tight fit, but the demon didn't seem to mind as he laid on his back. Laying on his side, facing his friend, Inuyasha reached back for the lamp and tugged the change, submerging the room in complete darkness.

"One day...you'll tell me what's going on in that head of yours, right?" Sesshomaru whispered.

"You're so oblivious...shut up and sleep..." The hanyou chuckled and closed his eyes, surprised that his heart wasn't beating out of his chest this time.

As he was dozing off, his vision blurring out to black, he felt the hand on his pillow soon entwine with another. He was too tired and content to say a word, less aware than he was the last time he had slept next to the demon.

"Oblivious, am I?..." The demon whispered into the dark, "Sometimes we both are, Inuyasha..."

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

* * *

Awaking slowly, Inuyasha gripped the hand in his tightly, trying to keep his eyes closed and fall asleep again despite the persistent sunlight that dripped through his annoyingly frilly curtains. He had forgotten how comfortable his bed at home was, with the high end mattress and the old sheets and blankets. It smelt like home, and Sesshomaru, which wasn't surprising since he had slept over so much. Though the fact that it smelt so fresh was curious. The hanyou was unaware that scents could smell like that after so long.

He shifted closer to the being beside him, using his free hand to rest it on a broad and well toned chest. Whoever this was, they smelt damn good, and he smiled and snuggled up more, ignoring the little chuckle he heard faintly in his sleep haze.

"Enjoying yourself, Inuyasha?" He heard the body beneath whisper, making him more than curious to find out who this sexy man beside him was. God, his voice was so rich and deep, he wanted to melt in it.

Shifting closer than before, he hummed against the chest before he slowly pushed himself up and opened his eyes.

And gave himself a god damn heart attack.

"Morning, sunshine. Do you enjoy using your best friend as a pillow?" Sesshomaru smirked below, resulting in a terrified, and not at all manly, shriek to leave the hanyou's mouth as he pushed himself and scrambled backwards, falling off the side of the bed.

"Fuck!" He yelped, hitting his head on the dresser, his legs spread with one up in the air, "Someone call nine one one.."

Laughing, Sesshomaru crawled across the bed to check on his friend, "You're a big boy. You're just fine."

"No, I'm not, asshole. I think I'm having a heart attack...and a brain aneurysm..." He groaned rubbing his head and ears.

"If that was the case, I'm sure you'd be dead, not talking."

"Oh, shut up and let me be embarrassed!" Inuyasha shouted, flying up as if he wasn't hurt at all and tackled Sesshomaru back down onto the bed, straddling his hips and pinning him down, "Could you be more of an asshole!?"

"I could, but you really did look adorable while you slept. I forgot how much of a puppy you are!" Sesshomaru chuckled and dodged a fist, grabbing the hanyou's wrist, "Watch it, pup. You don't want to pummel your pillow, do you?"

"You'd be surprised at what I want to do right now, you stupid-" Inuyasha stopped, looking up to find his father standing in the doorway, staring at the two friends curiously.

The demon quirked an eyebrow, ticking the hanyou off even more as he grabbed a pillow and chucked it at his father.

"GET OUT!" He shrieked again, panting hard with his eyes wide and focused on the closing door. He could hear his father outside, trying to stifle his girlish giggling.

"...Is that morning wood I feel?"

The hanyou snarled and grabbed the last pillow, pushing it down over Sesshomaru's face. The demon's arms flailed and tried to push at the hanyou, his pleas falling on deaf ears.

"You little shit!" Inuyasha seethed, "You are so dead to me!"

This morning was starting to feel like a new day.

A new day where Sesshomaru seemed to be obnoxiously flirty for someone who was beyond oblivious.

* * *

Having finally managed to make it through the rest of the morning, which included the horrible tasks of fighting for the bathroom, Sesshomaru picking at his hair every few seconds he had a chance to, the horrible forced 'fashion show' (because the demon apparently was now in charge of what he wore!), and multiple other ridiculous tasks that took far too long for what they actually were supposed to involve, Inuyasha finally left his parent's home in a huff. He had spent the time of walking out of the door (more like Sesshomaru pushing him out) spitting and throwing out whatever insults he could at the demon in front of his poor mother and father, who only seemed to be laughing at his misery.

It was so strange though, he felt far more angrier yet slightly happy compared to his usual despressive tendencies.

Inuyasha passed it off as a manic episode and awaited the usual heart ache and tears that usually took over his day. Maybe it was because Sesshomaru was being far more...loving and teasing than usual? Who fucking knew. The hanyou felt like a fool and he wanted to punch his love in the face for putting him through all the stupid things he did that morning, and every day for the past eighteen years of painful friendship. As he walked to his car, he felt the demon continue to follow him until he was at his door. The hanyou whirled around, narrowing his eyes at the demon.

"Why are you following me exactly?" He asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Because you're cute when you're angry with me," Sesshomaru shrugged and smiled, shaking his head after he watched the hanyou's reaction, "I'm kidding. You said we could hang out with Kagome, and I came with my parents. Which means you're my designated driver."

"You aren't drunk, so I ain't your driver. Take a bus."

"Don't be so mean, I was goofing off, like old times," The demon frowned, causing the hanyou to roll his eyes and look away.

"Ugh...fine...I just..." Oh, there was that feeling. That horrible pain in his chest, and a new urge to vomit last night's wine and dinner all over the ground, "You're right...but you weren't being funny! Get in before I knee you in the balls."

"I wouldn't do that, we need those, you and me." Sesshomaru chuckled and opened the passenger side.

"What!?"

"Nothing! Get in, Inuyasha. I have no time to wait for your artist brain to compute the morning's shenanigans." The demon winked and shut the door, leaving a confused hanyou looking around as if he didn't know where he was.

"I don't get it...I don't...get...it..." He walked around the car to the driver's side and got in, starting up his piece of shit car and cranking the radio.

 _One moment you say I'm your best friend, the next you're flirting with me and making sexual jokes. What do you want from me?! Do you know already? Is that it? You know so you're trying to make me feel worse than I already do?_ The hanyou thought as he drove away from his parents home, hoping that they didn't phone all their other friends and relatives about what state he was found in that morning. Passing through the neighborhood, Inuyasha couldn't help but have those thoughts as Sesshomaru rolled down the window and rested his arm slightly outside, his hair whipping back and around his face. He loved that look on him, wind blowing back his hair, his face clear for the world to see, the hanyou couldn't help but smile and paint that face into his memory.

"You're smiling." The demon said over the music and the wind, looking over at his friend with a large grin.

"It's a nice day. Don't read too far into it." The hanyou laughed.

"I'll try not to, just that smile looks so much better on you than tears, Inuyasha."

Heart swelling, Inuyasha could have swerved off the road if he paid any more attention to it than he was. He blushed and turned his attention back to the road, trying not to look back at the demon as they made their way quickly to Kagome's street. The sun was high in the sky at this point, making the air around them hotter as they pulled up in front of her house. Stepping out, the two friends walked up to her door and Inuyasha knocked loudly, awkwardly standing next to Sesshomaru who only seemed to move closer.

Seconds ticked by and soon they heard the thumping of feet down the stairs and the door opened, revealing Kagome in pajamas and hair up, "What are you guys doing here?"

"We thought you'd want to hang out..." Inuyasha said, trying to step inside but was instantly pushed back by her.

"Can't, I'm sick."

"You don't smell sick..."

"Cramps, headache, back pain, the whole works. Looks like it's just you two today!" She smiled and tried to shut the door, though Sesshomaru stopped her just in time.

"We'd like to hang out all together, Kagome.." He smiled, "It would be nice to have you around since you always know what we should do. If it's just me and Inuyasha-"

"Well what if it's just you and Inuyasha? You guys are best friends, right? You guys will be fine without me!" She waved them off with a bigger smile.

Sesshomaru seemed to blush as he backed off, leaving it up to Inuyasha to get her to join him and his own living emotional rollercoaster, "Please, Kagome, we can get you Advil and you'll be just fine!" He leaned in closer and growled low, narrowing his eyes, "Don't leave me with him alone for another second, you bitch, I need you with us!"

"Sorry! I feel awful! Oh...oh man! I think my uterus is falling out!" She grabbed her stomach and groaned dramatically, "Looks...looks like you'll have to go to the fair without me! Ohhhh! My insides! They're falling out of my vagi-"

Sesshomaru pulled the door shut and dragged Inuyasha back to the car, "We'll just go to this fair on our own."

"But I don't know where it is!?"

"Neither do I, but I do  _not,_ need to hear about her god damn uterus!"

They climbed back into the car, Sesshomaru shaking his head to dispel the image of Kagome's uterus literally falling out of her vagina. Inuyasha started to feel a little sick at the thought too.

Even though he was far more angry at her for deliberately faking sick to leave him with Sesshomaru. She said she would set something up, not disturb the two dogs for the rest of their lives!

* * *

"I can't believe she lied about the fair..." Inuyasha sighed, his ears flattening as they walked along one of their favourite beach piers.

They used to come to the beach all the time, just because Sesshomaru thought that the ocean would inspire the hanyou to create something amazing. Instead it started his obsession with drawing him as he looked out at the ocean as the sun set, just as it was now. They had been there all day, getting ice cream, watching people pass on bikes around the beach, and acting as if nothing had happened the night before and that morning.

It was almost like old times, if it wasn't for out of control feelings he had for Sesshomaru. The demon though seemed just as off too, growing far more silent than usual as they watched the sun set over the ocean, leaning against the railing as families and couples stood around them and then walked off back to their cars for the day. Normally he filled the silence that Inuyasha couldn't, knowing just what to say and talk about to keep them going until it got too dark to see the water. But not they were both silent, incapable of carrying on any logical conversation.

Even though Inuyasha even tried to speak, though on the subject that had occurred hours ago, Sesshomaru only nodded and hummed his acknowledgement. The hanyou felt his heart break slightly. His love was never this silent, never this...deep in thought. At least not around him. It made him wonder what he was thinking about, though he knew it wasn't about him. It never was. It probably never would be.

All those games the demon had played in the morning, they meant nothing obviously. How could he go from teasing him and smiling at him like that to ignoring him and being so cold? Was this what he was really like? This cold creature next to him was nothing like the Sesshomaru he knew. It terrified him, but intrigued him at the same time. The hanyou looked away and tried his hardest not to whine. The wind from the water blew, lifting his hair out towards the demon, who felt it against his arm and turned to look down at his friend.

The artist was lost in his mind, more lost than he ever was, his bottom lip almost trembling, though he was controlling that by chewing on it as he watched the waves roll in. Inuyasha felt the demon touch his hair, taking a strange between his fingers and bring it up to his lips before dropping it.

"Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru whispered, stepping just a little closer.

"Hmm?" The hanyou looked up and stopped breathing. This. This was a new face before him, one of not his friend, but the man he wanted to desperately. His brow was furrowed and his mouth was a straight line, but in his eyes, those god damned gorgeous eyes were looking down at him as if he actually had noticed that he was there and what his feelings were for him. In fact, if the hanyou wasn't so positive that Sesshomaru wasn't in love with him as well, he would have known right then that he could possibly be right.

The demon reached out, gently cupping Inuyasha's jaw and cheek, his thumb ghosting over his bottom lip. He tilted his head, watching the artist watch him as he continued to hold his face. He opened his mouth to speak, and the hanyou's eyes widened as his heart thud loudly in his chest. He was already shaking, wondering what he was going to say, wondering what he was going to do. The demon closed his eyes for a moment, the wind blowing again.

"I..." He began and then sighed, dropping his hand, "We should go...I need to go back to my apartment..."

The hanyou's heart burst, and not in a good way, his shaking only getting worse, "O-oh...right..."

"You don't have to drive me back, I can take a bus. You don't need to waste your gas."

"N-no...no it's fine. I can drive you." Inuyasha insisted, the desperation noticeable in his voice. The demon's eyes fell on him, almost swelling with pain as well before he turned away.

"It will just be longer for you, I don't want to make you drive all around the city for me." Sesshomaru sighed, beginning to walk away.

"Wait!" The hanyou reached out and snatched the demon's hand, "Please...Let me drive you home."

Looking down at him again, Sesshomaru smiled sadly and whispered, "Okay."

* * *

Arriving in the city centre just as the sun disappeared behind the large, towering buildings that Sesshomaru called home, Inuyasha drove slowly in the traffic to the demon's block, pulling into the empty stall in front of the door. The building was old, build with aging stone and grime covered glass, but it was beautiful to him nonetheless. It was where he wanted to be, with Sesshomaru, up in that apartment near the top so he could open the curtains and watch the city below as they fell asleep together. But it was just a dream, a dream that he knew now for sure would never happen.

The demon may not have said a word, but he felt rejected anyway. If he was going to say something, he should have said it, but instead his best friend broke his heart again and again, as per usual, with his roundabout way of life. He was oblivious, or maybe more aware than he thought, but if he knew how Inuyasha felt, if he felt the same way or not, he should have said something instead of trying to ditch him in the one place they mutually loved!

"Here we are...no trouble...like I said..." Inuyasha whispered, gripping the wheel tightly as Sesshomaru stepped out of the vehicle.

"Thank you..." He whispered back, shutting the door before he stopped, "You think you could come out here for a second?"

"I...I guess?"

The hanyou stepped out and walked around to his friend. He was surprised as Sesshomaru pulled him to his chest and wrapped his arms around him, making his heart hurt more as he rested his cheek on the top of his head.

"Promise me that you won't die on me tonight...that you aren't going to get into that car and start crying all the way home until you fall asleep..."

"W..what?"

"I know that you...sometimes...get in one of those moods...I can see it now...I can fucking hear it, Inuyasha, and whatever the cause may be, I don't want to come by again and see that you look like you're about to fall apart. Please, as your friend..." He paused and pulled Inuyasha closer, "For me...don't do anything stupid tonight...paint...paint whatever it is you're feeling and get it out of you so I don't have to see that face again..."

"Sesshomaru..." The hanyou reached up and gripped the front of Sesshomaru's jacket.

The demon pulled his head back and pressed his lips to his forehead, "You're too important and amazing to be like this...too important to me...Just be safe...and drive carefully, Inuyasha..." He pulled away completely, leaving the hanyou standing there as he headed up the steps to his building's door, using his key to let himself in and then disappeared inside.

No, no, Inuyasha could not believe that this was what Sesshomaru was going to do to him. To be oblivious was one thing but to purposely...at least he thought it was purposely...treat him like this, to say words like that to him! The hanyou trembled and got back into his car, starting it up and blinding driving back home on the nearest highway out of the city. He needed out of that place, he needed to go back to the suburbs where his piece of shit home was, with his piece of shit car, so he could paint pieces of shit. His will was fading, he could tell, it was evident with how hard and fast his heart was beating and he willed his tears away as best as he could so he wouldn't break his promise, but he could feel it coming up and he immediately pulled off the road the moment the opportunity came.

Shutting off the engine, he unbuckled and threw open the door, letting out everything he and Sesshomaru had eaten together that day. Half digested slop hit the ground, only making him let out more and more until he was sure he was empty. Yanking himself back inside, Inuyasha wiped his mouth on his sleeve and panted, feeling tears spill down his face.

"You're so cruel...so...so cruel..." He whispered into the dark, cars speeding past him, men and women going home to their loved ones.

"How could you do this to me? Why do you have to do this every single god damn time!" He shouted, banging his fist on the steering wheel, "You were so perfect...so fucking perfect, and you...you fucking played around with me! Who fucking knows if you love me!" He hit the steering wheel again, "If I'm so fucking important than why don't you fucking be with me, huh!? Keh! Bet you're too fucking scared! Too scared to be with some prodigy! You're stuck living your father's dream while I suffer at your fucking hands while I try and live up to the name they put on me! You think I want to be some prodigy!? You think telling me I'm so great and important is going to make me love what little talent I have!?"

He snarled and put his hands to his face, tilting his head back against the headrest, "Oh Sesshomaru...I don't want to paint my feelings...I want to paint  _you..._ I want...I want to sleep next to you and draw you while you doze off...I want to draw circles on you with my claws...I want...I...I..."

Trailing off, the hanyou let himself cry, hoping that if he waited a couple hours on the side of the road the traffic would die down and he would feel so much better. He hoped that he could make it, so he could shower and sleep, and that he'd be able to tell Sesshomaru Suzuki soon, that this Inuyasha Tanaka was madly, and hopelessly, in love with him despite all the pain it caused.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

* * *

_You're so stupid, Sesshomaru...So god damn stupid..._ The demon thought as he paced his apartment. It had been a couple days since he had stayed with Inuyasha and then made him bring him home, and he hadn't heard from Kagome or the hanyou since. It worried him, as it always had since the beginning, but this was worse. He had seen the hurt in his friend's eyes, and even though he told him not to hurt himself or cry, Sesshomaru was positive that he may have done it anyway. Maybe that was why he hadn't phoned, maybe Inuyasha was still upset.

The thought at first made the demon chuckle to himself. Inuyasha? Hurt? Please, he was made of rock and was easy to spit out insults. Well, that was the case for people who really pissed him off, this time it was different.

Kagome had made sure that each time the demon had hurt the hanyou he was told and forced to mark it down on a calendar. She wanted him to feel the pain to, and to stop hurting his best friend. But it was so hard when you wanted him so badly. Ever since he had met Inuyasha he felt a strong need to be with him. All through elementary school, the hanyou had tried to shut himself away from people, and every time he did Sesshomaru would push back and force himself in. Inuyasha had changed though since those times. The moment middle school came around, the prodigy seemed to bear a large weight around him, and that's when the demon first saw the bruises.

Of course he had thought that someone else had done it, but in the back of his mind he knew that wasn't true. Especially when the excuse of 'I found a cat and it scratched the shit out me' popped up. It wasn't believable; no cat scratched so neatly across skin before, though it did stop for a while. But when he saw those bruises again, when he had seen him cry for the first time in years, Sesshomaru couldn't help but be scared. He knew he reacted wrongly then, and he acted wrongly that night as well. He should have told the hanyou. He should have told him how he felt like he planned too.

Instead he'd have to go through another day working for his father, another day wishing he could break away from the binds he put himself in, and tell Inuyasha just how much he fucking loved him.

* * *

"Shh...Inuyasha...It's okay..." Kagome cooed, rubbing the hanyou's back as he lay curled up on the couch.

His sobbing hadn't stopped in days, who knew being so strangely rejected could hurt so bad? Was it even rejection? What had even happened that night? He had been pushed away, he had been forced to promise something he couldn't do, and now he was here, mentally unstable, incapable of attending work, and being cared for by a woman who had tried to push him together with Sesshomaru.

"No it's not! It feels like my heart is going to snap in half!" He cried, his ears flat against his head.

"It's not going to...maybe we should order something in...like Chinese, unless you want Pho, which I know a great place by the way... _Pho 99_. It's great there...it's like fast food Viet but not..."

"I don't want to go out...just order Chinese..." He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"If I order you food, you think you could work on your paintings a little more? I know you want to take it slow...but you haven't touched them in so long...I'm really worried, Inuyasha. You aren't usually...this broken..." Kagome sighed and scratched behind one of his ears, standing up to go order in the other room, "I'm going to order and then call someone, okay? Don't go anywhere yourself. Stay...sit...roll over?"

"Can you please stop it with the dog jokes? They're not helping me at all." Inuyasha curled in on himself more and squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to block out the world.

He thought Sesshomaru was going to tell him, he thought that they would be together by morning, but instead it had been a few days since then and he could barely function. Breathing was almost impossible, as if an anvil had placed itself on his chest and he had to carry it around his neck whenever he got out of bed; and not to mention the pounding in his chest. It wasn't the good pounding, it was that god damn heart attack feeling, where everything hurts so bad you almost don't feel a thing except you know that something's wrong. He collapsed a few times, unable to stand up for very long as his legs wouldn't seem to hold him up anymore, and there were a few times during the day when he would just have to lay on the floor because there was no way he was moving.

Kagome had stayed since he had called her that night, sobbing into the phone like a little bitch, at least that's how he felt. He thought he could keep it together, but it was getting so hard to go on without Sesshomaru waking up with him. He wanted his kisses and hugs, but not pity hugs, and he wanted to wake up next to him, and paint and draw him, and do everything with him. Now he was stuck without all of that and it hurt beyond any other pain he had ever felt. He felt beaten, like someone had threw him into a boxing ring and told the other guy to have at it with a pair of brass knuckles while they held him down. His eyes were sore from crying, and his muscles were so stiff.

How exactly was he supposed to bounce back from this? Where was the happy ending in all of this? Even Sesshomaru hadn't called, despite everything, he thought he would. But there was no ringing of his phone, or blinking light to tell him to check his messages. There was nothing. It was like the demon was avoiding him as much as he was kind of avoiding him. Inuyasha felt like a fool for so many reasons, and the urge to not exist anymore was so strong he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to die, but he didn't want to be known. He wanted to drop off the map, but that wouldn't happen. There were too many people who loved him and wanted him around.

They just weren't the right ones.

Ears twitching, Inuyasha decided he would listen in on Kagome to see if she ordered right, in case he was able to actually hold something down. It wasn't a call for delivery that he heard though, it was a personal conversation, which meant that he missed the take out call, which was fine and all. He could have some enjoyment in eavesdropping on her personal conversations. It had always been too easy, since she was enthusiastic and loud at times, especially with friends, but this time she seemed to be quieter, hushing the other side of the call as if he would actually be able to hear the other person.

"He can't even eat without wanting to throw up!...You idiot! You should have just told him, instead you both are dancing around the subject, and it's starting to get too difficult to deal with!" Kagome sighed and spoke quieter than before, "Sesshomaru...you know he does...you need to tell him...you just need to get it out, I can't look at him like this anymore...Yeah...yeah...do what you have to and I'll do what I have to...whatever...I can't believe you...Goodbye.."

She hung up and looked over at the hanyou, who was poking his head up to look at her, "Did you order right? I don't want anything I don't like..."

"I got you like two tubs of Wanton soup and some chow mien and other tasty things. Even egg rolls, so you better love me." She smiled, coming back and sitting next to him again. She rubbed his ears and pet his head, watching him close his eyes, "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha..."

"I should have known he didn't like me back..."

"Is that what you believe? What if he's just as tongue twisted as you? What if he's actually a woman and that was the start of his cycle and he was bleeding everywhere and that's why he wanted to go home?"

"Your fascination with what comes out of your vagina disgusts and amazes me sometimes, Kagome." Inuyasha cracked a small smile, getting an even bigger one back from her.

"I knew I could make you smile..." She whispered and bent down, kissing his head, "You need to smile more often...but only when you know you can. You're genuine smiles are the best. They used to make girls go crazy in high school, you have no idea."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, you know all those girls you end up screwing from the bar? Like how they look at you, right? It's the same way the girls at school would look at you, and it always made me laugh. They all thought you would date them, but you were so in love with Sesshomaru you never noticed." She giggled and rubbed his back again, "Sometimes I was really jealous of how much you liked Sesshomaru...because I liked you like that, but not as strongly. Now I'm just jealous because I'm not going through my own heartbreak. In fact, I've never been broken like this...and I'm sorry I haven't. But we're going to have a good day today, alright? And we're going to watch whatever you want, and do whatever you want, and then we're going to sleep and sleep...and sleep, like if you want to."

"It sounds fine to me, Kagome. Thank you...for being here when you really don't have to be." Inuyasha whispered and looked up at her, twisting a little on the couch.

"You're my best friend...I'd do anything for you to make you feel better...Plus, when heart ache is on your door, you need a good friend to sit there and eat massive amounts of cookie dough and ice cream with."

"And cookie dough ice cream, you have to combine them for the best taste ever." He chuckled and sniffled again.

"Duh! Man, you should have been born a girl so I could do your hair..." Kagome pouted, "But I like you best as a dude, because if I do girly stuff to you, you'll look even hotter."

"Don't even think about it. I don't want any girly shit done to me."

"What about a bath then? We could eat and then I could make up a really nice one with like whatever scenty stuff you have?" Kagome smiled and sat up more.

"Sure, why not, as long as you don't hop in with me. I don't want you playing footies with my dick."

"As if I would touch you there. Like, penises are so weird, like they look like...weird..hamsters..."

"Never compare my cock to a hamster again, please, I beg you, I just don't want to imagine that."

"Dick hampster...Hampster dick...which do you think would be worse?"

"You can shut up now."

* * *

Inuyasha had managed to get down a couple bowls of straight Wanton soup, with no soya sauce to add salty flavours, and nothing else. Just broth and dumplings, that was all it took to soothe him a little. The warmth from the soup made him feel a little better, and he was breathing a little easier, though Kagome was positive that a hot bath would help with the rest, which was fine. The hanyou figured that a bath would be the best thing now, and then he could go to bed right away after.

Kagome had drawn it for him, finding some old bubble bath under his sink before she left him to undress himself and step in. He got in with a hiss, and then lowered his body into the heat. It was nearly scalding, but he could take it, she knew that lukewarm was no option for him. Leaning back in the tub, he laid his head to the side and played a little with the bubbles, his mind going blank for a while.

It was nice to stop thinking, to just space out and not over think at all. It was something Inuyasha liked more than looking back on old memories. The whole idea of being so dead, in multiple different ways, to the point that you actually leave the space in your head was amazing, and the hanyou wished it happened more often. Though he wasn't usually this dead and out of his mind.

As he spaced out, he barely heard the loud knock on the front door and Kagome getting up to answer it, in fact he barely knew that someone was there until Kagome started shouting something about not being allowed here and what not. The hanyou didn't care anymore, he was in a bath and he was feeling a little better and he just wanted to sleep. Whoever was here would just have to go. But the shouting persisted and it sounded like someone was trying to shut the door on someone but they had forced themselves in anyway. He was a little worried then, sitting up in the bath until he finally heard the noises cease and pick up again, but much softer.

He didn't know what was going on, but he stayed in his bath anyway. He didn't want to have to get up so soon, his legs felt like sacks of potatoes and he wanted to rest them for a while longer. Dunking himself into the water then, Inuyasha washed his hair, resurfacing and pushing back the hair in his face. He took a breath and reached for some soap, figuring he may as well just wash his body and leave his hair to soak in the bubbles around him. Probably not the best idea, but he wasn't in the mood to wash his hair right now. It was too long and heavy to deal with in this state. Finishing up, he unplugged the bath and slowly toweled off, moving to the mirror to look at his face.

Puffy eyes stared back at him and Inuyasha winced, wishing he didn't look so horrible. His skin was blotchy compared to its usually smoothness and even tone, even his lips were cracked and chapped up. With a low growl, he pulled out whatever lotion he might still have and some chap stick, hoping that would help with his hideous features, though he doubted that. After refreshing himself, the hanyou dressed in the pajamas Kagome grabbed for him, noticing that she had even grabbed him pants despite his usual taste for none, which was fine. Since she was sleeping here for now, he guessed it would be polite to wear pants with her around. Not like she ever cared before, but he felt like she probably complained about this anyway.

He came out of the bathroom minutes later, towel drying his hair on his way to the living room to see who had come and stopped in his tracks.  _You should have told her to never open the door,_ was his first thought as the creature sitting on his couch turned to look at him.

"Oh god...I am so sorry..." The creature whispered as he stood.

Inuyasha felt all the horrible things he felt come back into him again and he felt himself begin to slowly back away. He really didn't want to see or speak to Sesshomaru just yet, but Kagome's eyes, which seemed to see right into his soul, narrowed at him.

"Sesshomaru has something he wants to tell you, and this time, there is no running away from it, Inuyasha." She whispered, standing up, "I'm going to go get fat while you work your crap out..."

She didn't seem happy to leave, and god, Inuyasha wanted to force her to stay and sit with him while the demon was here, but that wasn't an option. If Sesshomaru had something to say, maybe it was better to hear him. If this was going to be another awkward talk about what had happened, the hanyou hoped it would end soon. He wasn't sure he could take any more of the pain.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

* * *

"I'm really sorry, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru whispered, now standing a few feet away from the hanyou.

Was he seriously here only to apologize? Was that it? What about what he was going to say the other day? What about that? Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, finding himself angry over this rather than sad. It was strange, as he had never had the urge to punch the demon and not himself, and he wasn't sure if this was really him being angry or some twisted form of his illness. Either way, as he stood there, he couldn't help but back up a couple steps and shake his head.

"Is that why you're here? To apologize?" The artist growled, "Of all the things you could come and say to me right now, you chose the apology that I never even gave a shit about? This isn't something you can really apologize for..."

"Inuyasha...I'm seriously sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did, again. I acted horribly, again." The demon sighed and glared at the hanyou, "Why are you so eager to make me leave?"

"I'm not eager, I just don't want you here right now. After all the years of pain I've been through, your face is the last I want to see!"

He saw the demon flinch, his eyes widening only for a second before he looked away. Inuyasha was a little shocked that he hadn't been punched or something for that, even finding his own forwardness a little shocking. What was going on with him now anyway? Anger seemed to be filtering in more than depression, and he wasn't sure how he exactly liked that.

"I...Oh...I see..." The demon murmured, pushing his bangs back and closing his eyes, "I've really made you hate me now, didn't I?...I didn't want that at all..."

"Oh really? So what did you want then? Me to cry in your arms and forgive you? No way! You hurt me! You tried to push me away and then tell me to make a promise you knew I couldn't keep. Like...y-you have no right to tell me not to hurt myself when I've spent years hurting myself over you!"

The sound of Kagome smacking her forehead filled the sudden silence that appeared between the two friends. Inuyasha felt like a fool. It wasn't because of Sesshomaru at all! It was everything, more than just the heart ache.

"Over me? Are you an idiot!?" Sesshomaru shouted, stepping forward and grabbing the hanyou's upper arms, "You hurt yourself for years because of me!? All I've ever done was love you! That's all! That's all I want to do! How could you hurt yourself over me!? I'm not even worth it!"

"Because you don't love me the way I want you to!" The hanyou pulled away from Sesshomaru and hugged himself, "I...I didn't want to reveal that...shit...shit..."

"Wait...don't tell me you're in..Inuyasha, we're bigger fools than everyone said..."

Before either could say another word, Kagome came back into the room, letting out a groan, "Oh my god! Just kiss or something already! I'm so sick of you two thinking that one of you doesn't love the other! It's been so many years, you two are making me look bad! I can hook up cats faster than you two can confess!"

"Well excuse me! God, I'm going to bed...I...I don't even know what's happening anymore!" Inuyasha threw up his hands and stormed down the hall, hoping to get to his room so he could sleep and cool off. He told Sesshomaru in some roundabout way that he loved him, and he felt horrible. The demon should have stayed away longer, at least until the hanyou didn't feel like crying or dying anymore. Instead he had come and now they were in some stupid fight and he didn't know what to think or feel.

"Oh lord!" Kagome threw up her hands, "May the lord grant me the ability to not sit both of these dogs down and clock them over the head! I'm outta here. When you two are done ovulating and whatever, call me. I need to go paint my nails and do a facial."

Sesshomaru opened his mouth and shut it when the girl left, leaving him with no choice but to make this right. He was so sick of walking in circles when it came to his feelings, and even though this was not at all the way he wanted to tell the hanyou, he would tell him anyway. He would confess that he loved him the way he wanted and he would kiss him and hold him and do whatever it took to calm him down and lift him up again.

Feeling arms suddenly wrap around him, Inuyasha froze in his place, incapable of wriggling away from the grasp he wasn't sure he wanted to be in. He felt the demon pull and hold him closer to his chest and sigh in his ear.

"Inuyasha, I do love you, you know this...you have to..." He heard Sesshomaru murmur against the back of his ear.

"I. ..don't know..."

"I do...I've loved you for what seems like forever, and here you are pissed at me, thinking I don't love you...I should have known sooner...I really should have...but we're both oblivious and I want to make it so that everything is clear. I love you, I want you, and it's not because of your talent...it's for you yourself."

Heart pounding loudly in his chest again, Inuyasha hung his head. It was kind of hard to believe for some reason. Of course he always wanted Sesshomaru to feel the same way, but finding out like this, in some stupid fight he started for no reason...He couldn't completely believe him. But how was he supposed to make him prove it?

"Don't say things like that..." He whispered and shut his eyes, "It's confusing, and it makes you sound like a woman..."

"Now is not the time to be questioning masculinity, Inuyasha," The demon sighed and pressed his lips to the back of his head, "I mean every word...The moment I saw you in Kindergarden I knew you were special...It wasn't until a couple years later that I figured out that you were special to me. So stop acting so tough and down and like you don't believe me, because I know you do!"

"I...I just...you hurt me a lot, okay? I...I just don't know what to think anymore! Everything hurts and it's so fucking stupid, alright!?" He cried, his knees nearly buckling, "I want to be happy and whatever, have a great job, but none of it felt right! None of it felt complete!"

"Inuyasha..."

"I-I thought if I had you...it would all feel okay..."

"You can have me..."

"But I don't know if you're just making things up or not..."

"Inuyasha, I took the option to sleep in your bed, I made jokes, I've done things to purposely get close to you. I'm practically a stalker, don't say I'm making this up because I'm not...Turn around, would you?"

Turning around, the hanyou found his face squished against Sesshomaru's chest. He was so warm, and with the way he was holding him, he didn't understand why he was doubting the demon. He wanted to sleep with him, and do so much to him and with him, it was insane. But what if he was joking and then left him for good after?

"If I let you stay...You better not leave in the morning..." He growled, "I...I want to know everything...and I'll tell you everything...Okay?"

"Deal...am I allowed to do anything more than hug you?"

"I didn't even tell you to do that, you clearly don't know how to listen so do whatever you want..."

"Don't be so grumpy and upset, Inuyasha."

"I ain't grumpy! Just let me sleep, damnit!"

"Okay! Okay! Little pup...so vicious tonight..."

"Shut up!" Inuyasha whined, reaching up to grip the front of Sesshomaru's shirt.

"Can you turn around so we can walk properly?"

"No, deal with it..."

Eventually reaching the bedroom, Sesshomaru allowed the hanyou to climb into bed and curl up before he joined him. Pale hands running over his arms, Inuyasha tried to shut out the feeling of his touch and close his eyes to sleep. But the demon continued to caress almost every inch of his body that he could touch, and he couldn't bear it anymore, curling in on himself more and covering his face. He didn't know he was crying again until he felt thumbs swipe the tears away, only to be replaced by a rough tongue to clear them from his cheeks.

Tongues then soon turned to lips, the demon kissing his face and moving over him, forcing the distressed hanyou onto his back before he placed his lips on his for the first time. Thoughts seemed to slip in and out of Inuyasha's mind, changing from fears to art to a mixture of them both. But only one sentence stuck in his brain as the demon pulled back only to kiss him again.

_Is your heart even capable of mending and breaking all at once? The things you do to me..._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

* * *

Waking slowly, Inuyasha pushed himself up and yawned, the blankets slipping off and falling around his hips. His bed was empty except for him, and he felt his heart tighten. Was it all a dream? Was Sesshomaru not actually here with him? A quick sniff told his negative brain how wrong it was, as the room was thick with the demon's youki and scent. He sighed and rubbed his eyes before running a hand through his hair. His eyes felt heavy from the tears and the hanyou yawned again just as Sesshomaru came in.

"You're finally awake..." He smiled from the door, leaning against it.

"What time is it?..." The hanyou whispered, looking over his shoulder at him.

"Close to noon. I let you sleep..."

"Did anything happen that I'm not aware of?"

"Nothing but a few kisses, Inuyasha. Don't worry."

"Oh...okay..."

"You sound disappointed."

"Well, I can't lie about wanting to have sex with you..."

"Then we'll work on that. First though, breakfast. You need to eat something, and I already have everything done, so get up." Sesshomaru smirked and left off to the kitchen, leaving Inuyasha there to blush at how calm the demon was over him wanting sex. It was as if wanting sex so early wasn't even a big deal. Sure they had pretty much confessed the night before, but he would have thought that Sesshomaru would be a little reserved and wanting to wait.

Who knew what would happen now. He had already been kissed after an angry confession, and now the demon was making him breakfast. He wasn't sure how he was feeling about this at all, but he couldn't help but be happy and anxious all at once. So, dragging himself out of bed, Inuyasha shuffled to the kitchen to find scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, and other breakfast foods all laid out on two plates for them. The hanyou stood there with wide eyes before looking at his friend in shock.

"You cook."

"I live on my own, Inuyasha. I have to know how to cook, whether I need to eat or not."

"You aren't leaving now. I don't cook often, and I go broke with ordering out."

"Maybe you should just buy groceries with your discount like a normal person." Sesshomaru laughed and handed Inuyasha a plate and utensils, "Come on. Let's sit and eat. We can talk like you wanted to."

Taking his food to the table, figuring that was where the demon wanted, and dug into the food. It was delicious, and perfect, and Inuyasha tried to recall the last breakfast he had that he had made himself to eat. Since nothing came to mind, he figured it had been too long. The demon sat across from him and smiled as he ate as well. They sat in silence until they were close to done their meal, which was when the demon decided to look up at the hanyou with serious eyes.

"Inuyasha, I know that things have been tough on you, and you said that we would talk today when our heads were clearer. I know that you love me, and you know that I love you, but we really do need to discuss a few things to understand more."

"Agreed..." Inuyasha whispered, looking away from the demon. His intense stare was a little intimidating.

"So let's start with something easy. Like when did you first fall for me?" Sesshomaru smirked at that, going back to his food.

Oh lord, it had been so long ago, it was almost a little embarrassing now that they knew how each other felt. He almost didn't want to tell him that it had been the first time he complimented his work, as he was so young he probably should have liked any gender at all at that point. Not to mention the obvious sexual confusion that came after.

"When you hugged me...while I was painting...and told me that the painting I was working on was beautiful. It kind of...made me really start to like you more than usual..." He whispered, shoving a fork full of eggs into his mouth as he went red.

The demon chuckled, "I remember that...I kind of suspected something, but I thought that would be too good to be true..." He looked back up at the hanyou and smiled a little, "I guess I can say that I was the first to fall, seeing as I liked you a couple years after we were forced to be friends. You were just so different...I just couldn't help the attraction..."

"And you never felt like...that there was something wrong with that?" Inuyasha asked, setting his fork down, "Like didn't you think you would fall for some hot woman and breed a little litter of cute puppies, not end up with another guy?"

"Well...yeah...but when I figured out that it was you I wanted, I didn't exactly spend my time thinking about some hollywood life. I wanted to be with you, though I tried to date other's to fill the space I left for you for the time being. It wasn't the same. Other people, whether they are man or woman don't make me feel the same way you do."

Blushing more, Inuyasha hung his head, "Jesus...you're so straight forward."

"Well between us both, one of us has to be, and I highly doubt it will be you. I know you're...a little reserved, and I'm not about to tell you to be the loud and blunt one. You start blushing and whispering every time you talk about personal things." He laughed.

"Hey, don't laugh at my struggles!"

"I'm sorry, it's just too cute."

"I ain't cute..."

"Would you prefer I call you beautiful and charming then?"

The hanyou blushed more and his ears flattened. God, that was even worse than cute. It made his heart pound in his chest and made him feel hot and uncomfortable. His groin felt like it was on fire, and he shifted to try and relieve a bit of its trapped pleasure. To be turned on so easily, was he really that much of a whore for the demon?

"Anyways, while you're sitting there being cute and bothered, why don't you tell me about how sexually confused you are. I can tell that I won't be your first." The demon leaned on his hand and raised an eyebrow at the hanyou.

"I kind of just hooked up once in a while...I thought I was straight, but I don't know...other men don't turn me on, so I guess it's just you my body seems to want..."

"And how badly does your body want to be covered by mine in that bed of yours?"

"Shut up! Don't talk like that!"

"Why? Because you're turned on? You shouldn't leave it alone..." The demon smirked, a fang poking out over his bottom lip.

"That's it. I'm done. I'm going to finish my painting and ignore you and you're sex crazed brain!"

"Oh don't be like that!" The demon chuckled and cleared the plates as Inuyasha stomped off to his den, "At least let me see what you're doing before you threaten to kill me for being a bother."

The hanyou sighed and allowed Sesshomaru to follow him into the den, which he normally wouldn't do, but seeing as he saw one sketchbook full of his face, he'd be fine seeing the inspired painting of him. Pulling out the canvas from its hiding spot, Inuyasha smoothed a hand over the dried paint, sighing as his fingers lingered over the celestial looking face of the demon. He painted him clad in feudal armour and a flowing kimono. The theme he carried in most of his paintings of the demon and the seduced child was still present in this one as he held the young child in his arms. He was hoping that he could keep up one theme for his first gallery, and the work on other things. Better to paint what you know first before you expand. If this series did well, he'd have to continue with it in some way.

"Again with my face, do you love it so much, Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru said from behind him, his hands on his shoulders, slowly sliding down his arms before slipping behind to his back, under his shirt and around his middle.

The hanyou inhaled and closed his eyes, leaning into the demon as he slowly exhaled, "It's not my fault you're the perfect muse...I'm an artist. I'm attracted to beautiful things, as well as ugly things. Don't think you're so special. It could have been anyone to become my muse..."

"But it was still me, so of course I must be oh so...special..." The demon purred in his ear, making the hanyou moan softly.

"You're teasing..."

"And you're still horny..." Sesshomaru slipped hand down and palmed the front of Inuyasha's pants.

Pushing his hand away, Inuyasha looked back at the demon with flushed cheeks. God, he needed to keep his cool or he might end up covered in semen and sweat on his desk or his paintings. He didn't want to do it so soon, but it seemed like they just couldn't help it. It scared him, because to be honest, he never had laid with a man before, and being the demon's best friend, he knew well that there was no way that sex with him would be painless. He knew he was big, he just knew, and like hell he would fit him all in, even if he did play with himself on occasion.

"You're thinking again...are you going to tell me what you're thinking about?"

"Just how god damn frustrated you've made me. I need to finish this painting, and then I'm going to have to take a cold shower..."

The demon nuzzled into his neck and smirked, nipping him gently, "Or we just get the sex out of the way after, and stop acting like such sentimental bastards...I want you...You have no idea how long I've waited."

 _Yes...I do...trust me. I want this just as badly, but I need to finish this one thing, even if your bites and body are so tempting..._ The hanyou leaned his head to the side, his eyes beginning to close a little as he allowed the demon to kiss at his neck. "Maybe...after I finish this...we can do something..."

"Are you sure? You aren't saving your ass virginity for marriage, are you?" The demon growled, his hand then slipping back behind him to grope his ass cheeks.

Moaning again, Inuyasha nodded, shooting the demon a glare, "Y-yes...I want to have sex with you, I just need to get down to working on my career before it's too late...I'm terrified enough as it is that I won't be good enough and fail at making it anywhere, I don't need having sex with you ensure that I don't get this gallery...I don't want to work in a grocery store anymore, Sesshomaru...Please...be patient for once...You can't push me into sex, you know!"

Chuckling, Sesshomaru pulled back and quickly nipped at the artist's ear, "Go. I'll clean up your kitchen and make sure that whatever I smell in your fridge isn't molding or worse...something dying..." He scrunched up his nose and made his way to the kitchen, allowing the hanyou to take in a few deep breaths and calm his racing heart. God, he wanted to spend all the time in the world with him, but if he truly had him then he needed to balance Sesshomaru with his art. He couldn't throw his talent away, even if he never asked to be some prodigy of the new age of art. He needed to make a living, and with barely any skills under his belt, he had to make a name for himself.

So placing the canvas on the easel out in the living room, Inuyasha pulled on his smock and twisted his hair back out of his way before he got to work. Blending and adding in little splashes of multiple colours, Inuyasha spent the next couple hours fleshing out his piece as Sesshomaru soon finished cleaning the kitchen and decided to sit on the couch behind him and watch him work. It was a little distracting at first, but he soon found his rhythm and zone again, using two paintbrushes, one in each hand, to work the faces a little better than he had before.

He wasn't one to show off, but he couldn't help but make it look like he was way cooler than he knew he was. He could feel the demon smile as the aura of his happiness filled the room, and soon the hanyou found his cheeks hurting with his own smile. How long had it been since he just smiled for no reason while he painted? Were things finally going to look up now?

Finally finishing what he could, Inuyasha dumped the brushes into his cup of water and swished them all around to clean them off. Maybe he'd spend more time on it later, since he still had to fix the hair and clothes of his subjects. He didn't get long to admire his refined work as Sesshomaru was behind him the moment he stepped back and wrapped his arms around him again.

"It's beautiful...I forgot what it was like to watch you work..." He whispered and kissed his neck again.

"I try...I guess I did pretty well..."

"You did more than well, Inuyasha. Don't sell yourself short. You are a truly talented hanyou..." The demon placed a kiss on his cheek, making the hanyou blush more.

Twisting around, Inuyasha smirked and wrapped his arms around the demon in turn, "You should let me take my smock off...unless you want to be completely covered in paint."

"It will all come off anyway..." Sesshomaru said confidently, pulling the hanyou closer as he tilted his head up and kissed him hard.

Inuyasha's eyes widened. This kiss was so different from the other's he had given him, and he couldn't help but open his mouth to the tongue that licked along his lips and close his eyes. Sesshomaru slipped inside, his eyes shut as he angled his head and explored his mouth, tongue running over his own muscle and teeth, sucking and nipping as he did. The hanyou closed his own eyes, arms slipping away and then up around the demon's neck so he could play with his hair. Oh, he had wanted to touch his hair like this for so long. To be kissed like this too was like having his dream become a reality, and he hoped that if he was dreaming, or if he was dead, that he never woke up. He kissed the demon back, pressing their chests together as the demon tugged the hanyou's hair so he could control the kiss better.

His fangs nipped at his swollen lips and then sucked on his tongue, making Inuyasha moan loudly into his mouth as he tried to keep up. It was like Sesshomaru was more content on pleasing him rather than being pleasured himself. Which was totally fine with the hanyou as he knew that between the two of him he would rather be the one getting dominated. Though he began to wonder how the demon felt on being dominated himself. The thought alone made his cock begin to throb again and he tangled his fingers into the demon's hair more, tugging his face closer so he could kiss him harder.

The demon growled and slid his hands down to lift the hanyo into his arms and lock his legs around his waist. Gasping, Inuyasha released the demon from their kiss, gasping for breath as he was held so their mouths were still only a centimeter apart. Sesshomaru panted and then crashed their lips together again as he walked over to the couch and laid the hanyou down, kneeling over him as he quickly removed his shirt. Inuyasha couldn't help but stare as he lifted his arms over his head and tossed his shirt away, muscles moving beneath his skin as he moved back over him and tugged at his smock and pajama shirt.

"Off.." He panted, helping the hanyou removed both of them at once and then began to kiss all over his chest. The demon planted kisses up his pecs, up to his collarbone, where he bite and sucked him lightly.

The hanyou arched slightly, his hands unsure of where to go so they stayed around Sesshomaru's shoulders and hair, claws raking over his pale skin and creating bright red lines. Moving down his chest now, the demon dipped down to his naval, his tongue swirling before he began to tug at his pants and kiss him through his boxers. Gasping, Inuyasha bucked a little.

"Take them off..." He breathed, his hands shaking as he tried to pull the rest of his clothes off, "Screw foreplay...I want you so bad..."

The demon lifted his head, licking his lips as he looked at him with lust filled eyes. The eyes of a predator taking in the sight of his prey. Inuyasha felt trapped and he loved it, only wanting to be devoured by the man he loved. Fuck waiting for the perfect moment. When had he ever cared about waiting to have sex with anyone? He went to bars and picked up slutty women to relieve his sexual tension when he was drunk enough, having sex with Sesshomaru on his couch was no lower and no more mighty than usual. Though he was prone to bouts of depression, though he hurt himself to extinguish the pain and cried himself to sleep, there were times when rough, sweaty, and fast sex was just what he wanted to make everything better.

The demon yanked off his pants and then nearly tore off his own, his hands moving so fast as he soon had the hanyou's legs wrapped around him and his cock rubbing over his entrance. Moaning, his heart beating faster and faster and his lower regions tingling and heating up, Inuyasha nearly yelled at the demon to just fuck him already. Soon though, Sesshomaru, with his brow furrowed in concentration, began to push the head of his member into him, making him gasp loudly at the sudden stretch. Never before had he had anything in him this large, and he hoped to god he wouldn't be too tight and tear from the demon's size. Though he'd heal, the embarrassment of that happening would be too much to live with. But the demon seemed to be a little cautious as he pulled out and spat on his hands, lubricating himself a little more before he huffed and reached down for his pants.

"You're tight..." He whispered, pulling out a tiny bottle of lube, "I'm not taking chances..."

The hanyou quirked an eyebrow and watched him lubricate his cock better before he warmed a bit more of the liquid between his fingers and rubbed it over his entrance. Inuyasha groaned and watched him as he began to push himself in again, the head going in easier before he pushed the rest of himself inside slowly. As he grew nearer to fully forcing himself in him, the hanyou threw his head back in a long and low groan, his hands falling over his head as he shut his eyes. The demon stilled, breathing hard as he wiggled his hips a little to get Inuyasha more comfortable.

After a few minutes of staying still like that, their breathing even and heavy, Inuyasha nodded for the demon to move. He was slow at first, which had the hanyou moaning a little already as he felt him move in him, but soon the pace began to pick up, and he was moving his body with his, wincing in pain and pleasure both as the demon thrust in and out of him. Their breathing grew more rapid and Sesshomaru bent down to capture the hanyou's lips as they moaned and made small noises of pleasure.

Inuyasha brought his hands back up and tilted his head back again with a little cry as he felt the demon's cock rub against him just the right way. "Oh god...there...please, just like that!"

Sesshomaru grunted and began to thrust harder, his hips angling to hit that one little spot again and again, causing his lover to cry out again and see stars. The moved together more and more, the hanyou loud and uncaring as he was fucked into his couch, his claws digging into the demon's back.

"Fuck! Inuyasha...I..." The demon snarled, squeezing his eyes shut as he reached between them and grabbed at then hanyou's cock, pumping it hard to make sure they came sooner.

Dropping one of his legs, Inuyasha bared his neck to the demon and cried out his quick orgasm, his claws raking deep down Sesshomaru's back. Semen shot out of him in long bursts, covering his chest as the demon pushed himself in deeper and roared, bending down to bite the hanyou's neck as he came soon after inside of him. Tangled together, blood dripping off their skin, Inuyasha sighed with a smile and let his arms fall again.

Oh, he was sticky and sweaty, panting like a well walked hound on a sunny day. He nuzzled the demon's head, gasping softly as he pulled his fangs from his neck and kissed him slowly.  _Never let me go..._ He thought and smiled into the simple, innocent kiss as the demon placed his hand on his stomach and slid it up to his chest, over his heart, and spreading his essence over his skin.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

* * *

It felt like he hadn't stepped into the sunlight for years. Who would have thought that after so many years of being held down by his emotions, that Inuyasha would feel such a change after getting the one man he wanted. He was still awkward with him, but Sesshomaru seemed to just make everything brighter without even trying. His kisses would spark something in the artist that he wasn't sure could have existed in him previously, and it had him melting in the demon's arms every night. Every night though, would consist of more than just his kisses, and they'd end up a hot and sweating mess in his sheets, clinging to each other as they let the lust die down between them.

Sesshomaru though never stayed long after, normally having to leave for work, which had Inuyasha nearly on his knees begging for him to stay.

"I have work...I'll call you in the morning and on my breaks if it would make you feel better..." The demon whispered in the dark, right next to the hanyou's ear.

Cheeks red and eyes tired, Inuyasha turned in his grasp and pressed his face into Sesshomaru's neck, breathing in their scent as he clung closer, "Do you really have to leave?"

"Mm...I can only take so many days and mornings off..." Running his knuckles over the hanyou's skin, Inuyasha only clung closer.

"I guess...I'm sure Takemaru is going to throw a fit for me missing so many days..."

"Exactly...I'll make it up to you on the weekend if you don't work," The demon kissed his forehead and sighed, moving his lips then to the hanyou's, kissing him hard before he pulled himself out of bed, "I'll call. Make sure you answer...Goodnight, Inuyasha."

"Night..." He sighed into the dark, watching as his lover quickly redressed and leaned over the bed to give him one last kiss before he left. The door shut and Inuyasha was left alone again.

At this point he figured he should have been used to it, but it was never easy to let the demon do what he needed to do. He was being selfish wanting him to stay around all the time, but he couldn't help it when it made him feel so good now to have him close. In a matter of days, the artist had gone from hating Sesshomaru's presence to craving it, and he knew that that was no better than the former. He didn't want to be dependant, but it was so hard when the demon whispered such sins in his ears.

Rolling onto his back, Inuyasha could smell nothing but their sex in the room, and he knew that he couldn't be bothered to get up and shower so no one smelt it the next day. In fact he almost wanted people to know, but at the same time, it would just raise too many questions. He had fucked women before, many really, and now he was being completely dominated by his best friend, and the last thing he needed was for their reputations in their circle of family and friends to be tarnished by the possibility that they were gay. He wasn't gay. No other man made him this way, no other man made him want to bend over the coffee table and let himself be taken. It was only Sesshomaru, and Sesshomaru felt the same way. There were so many complications with this relationship and their lives, that it almost scared him, but he didn't care too much. As long as his parents didn't know just yet he was fine. All Inuyasha needed to do was get his first gallery showing and make some money and he and Sesshomaru could get the hell out of there. They could be together where no one knew them and they could do as they pleased without their traditional parents trying to tear them apart. He didn't want to hear the words he figured that they would say.

Squeezing his eyes shut, the hanyou bit his lip and tried to stop thinking. This was all just going to ruin his good mood. He wanted to fall asleep happy and not bruised up, so he rolled back over to wear Sesshomaru was laying moments before and let the dark take him, falling asleep quickly.

* * *

"Ah, so you finally showed up today, Mr. Takahashi."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, placing a couple cans of soup on the shelf in front of him and only turning to grab more, "Yes, sir..."

"What have you been doing all last week? Painting? You know we have a store to run, I can't have you flaking out or I'll have to fire you. Better to get rid of someone who doesn't want to be here than waiting on them." Takemaru crossed his arms.

"I was sick. Not painting," Inuyasha tried not to growl, tossing a couple more cans up onto the shelf, "I want to be here, I just don't want to be here if I am incapable of working. Which I wasn't. Like I said on the phone..."

"Excuses. Anyway, you have an early shift going right now right? When are you off?"

"Noon, sir."

"I need you to work up until closing today. I can't stay so you will have to cover."

Inuyasha's hands tightened around the can of soup he was holding and slowly turned his head. He was insane. He was actually going to fight back, which he rarely every did just so he wouldn't lose his job. But this was getting out of hand. The first time he had to close up was hard enough. Now he had to do it today? He had already started his shift fairly early and he wanted to clean up the house and go see Kagome, and then do stuff with Sesshomaru. Every fucking god damn time he had things to do this idiot made him work longer and harder. Was it because of his skills? Was it because he could be so much more!?

"I can't. I'm busy for the afternoon. Ask someone else." He said through grit teeth.

"I'm not asking, Inuyasha, I'm telling. You're working an extra shift."

"No!" He slammed the can down on the cart and pointed his finger at his manager, "I do more than just the dirty work around here, if this is because you got a problem with me then you can shove it! When I say I can't work, I can't fucking work! You can't bully me into this job anymore. I don't have to be here, but I gotta pay the bills somehow right? So do you, right? So how about you quit fucking with my life to get out of work, and do something for that wife of yours you apparently love so much!" Inuyasha panted and picked the cans back up, "My shift is done in an hour. Then I'm leaving. I'm not going to do your job for you..."

He waited several seconds as he continued to stock the shelf in front of him. He could already feel his job slipping away and he almost wanted to break down and cry for being such an idiot. What was he thinking anyway? That because he was an artist he could just step on everyone? That because Sesshomaru was with him now that his good mood permitted him to step outside of his box to attack his boss? Did he attack him? Oh god, what had he done?

Turning around, he found that Takemaru was gone from the aisle and down at the cash registers, bothering one of the other emloyees.

Did this mean he was alright? That he had a job? Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow and smirked to himself, "This is going to be a good day...It's actually going to be okay..."

He continued to stock the shelves until he was let off, walking to his car with a smile on his face. It hurt to use the muscles in his face like this, but it kind of felt...good. He went home to shower and change with a new spring in his step. It was definitely going to be an alright day.

* * *

"Who are you and what have you done with my Inuyasha?" Was the first words out of Kagome's mouth when Inuyasha came to her house smiling.

"Shut up, I'm in a good mood. You're vagina jokes won't affect me now." He chuckled and let himself in, shedding his coat and following her up to her room.

Her house was really standard on the inside. She still lived with her mother, only because she didn't have the money to go anywhere else. Her mom didn't seem to mind too much. They all worked together and no one was really unhappy about her being around so he assumed it was all okay. Her room looked the same as it had years before when they met, though through the years the posters on the walls changed from Britney Spears, to Lady Gaga, and now it was just covered in a variety of television shows and indie bands. Her bed sheets and most linens were still pink, and the layout of everything was still as basic as ever. Even her desk was still as organized as it was back in high school and Inuyasha wondered when he had changed so much from then.

Here was Kagome, still stuck in time, while he was tired of having no privacy and left his nest to go sink his roots elsewhere. The result was all the same, he still had no privacy and his problems only got worse. Kagome on the other hand was completely okay, just like she was back when he met her. Sure she was tired of not dating and sick of dealing with his problems, but she was still the same old Kagome, while he was a totally different Inuyasha now. He wasn't sure if he liked it, the change he was going through in general, but he had Sesshomaru, so he couldn't complain too much about that.

"Mom was wondering how Izayoi was doing," Kagome said, shutting the door and sitting down on her bed, flopping backwards, "I know they never really talked much unless you were staying over or something, but mom always worries. I dunno..."

"Mom is fine...She's been alright for a while." Inuyasha whispered, sitting on her desk chair and spinning around, "Shit happens...she's pulled through."

"I know it's been years, and it isn't like...something like huge or anything...but mom always brings it up, and I dunno if while you've been off frolicking in the flowers with Sesshomaru or...smacking him around, if you've seen her lately."

"Not since their annual dinner. She was alright then too."

Inuyasha hated this topic more than anything else. It wasn't a big deal really, but he remembered hearing the news back then and seeing his mother look so string yet so broken had him avoiding the subject since.

"Anyways, enough of our families, what happened with Sesshomaru? You didn't call me like I told you. Strike one. You have two more before I tell period stories again." Kagome laughed and propped herself up on her elbows.

Blushing, the hanyou looked away, "Everything turned out alright...he stayed over and made me breakfast...then I painted for a bit and we were perfectly okay."

"Okay in what way?"

"Just..." His face began to burn brighter, "Okay...you know?"

"He fucked you didn't he!"

"For a respectful young woman you have the dirtiest mouth I've ever heard. Do you know what? You kiss your family goodnight with that mouth?"

"Not as bad as you doing nasty things to Sesshomaru with yours," Kagome countered, "Oh my god tell me. I want to know all the details so I can text my friends from high school. We had a bet going that one day you two would bang each other. I was supposed to get pictures, but maybe I'll sneak one when we all hang out again."

"You're fucked up. You're like really fucked up, Kagome. Why do you even want to know about my sex life anyway?!"

"Because teenage girls love listening about two gay men in love and screwing each other. Blame the internet and the world's way of fetishizing anal sex between men. Did it hurt? Or was it how they show it in yaoi and porn?"

"Now you're creeping me out. I think I'd rather have the period stories, thanks."

"Don't be a prude, I promise not to tell anyway. Was he rough and dirty, or is Sesshomaru secretly into romantic, slow sex?"

"I don't know! We've just been...going at it...though he's a bit of a savage I guess...He likes to bite..." Inuyasha shook his head, his face not even the colour of his natural skin tone anymore, "I don't want to talk about sex with you! This is so awkward!"

"It shouldn't be! Inuyasha, you are with a man that has been sought after by the entire student body since middle school. People want to know these details before they burn you at the stake for taking their man." Kagome narrowed her eyes and pointed at the artist, cracking a smile when she saw him flinch.

"Again...you're messed up!" He growled, standing up, "He's great in bed...so great it hurts every time he tells me he has to leave. He stays if we do it during the day but the moment it hits night he has to go."

"Why? What does he have to do that is so much more important than cuddling after sex?"

"Work...so he says..."

"Don't tell me you think he's two timing you, because I swear to god I will beat you. He's been lusting after you for years, he was like as fucked up as you...Well not as fucked up, but you know what I mean. If it is work that he has to do, what's stopping you from staying over at his place for a night? We haven't even slept over at his new apartment. You could like legit go over there, and if you don't have work you could slum there and jerk it in his shower or something."

"Excuse me? Jerk it?"

"You guys could like christen his bed...and his couch."

"Kagome, you need professional help. Have you thought of signing up for Christian Mingle?"

"Oh shut up," Kagome rolled her eyes and smirked, "I'm desperate, but I'm not that desperate. But seriously, Mr. I'm-in-a-good-mood, you should go over there. Just like knock on the door and be like hey I'm sleeping over, and he'll be like fuck yes I get to tap that again."

"Well...he said he would make up for it on the weekend...But that's so far away..." Inuyasha groaned and spun in the chair, tilting his head back, "I should go...I already told off Takemaru at work and I have my whole life ahead of me...I just...you know me, I haven't actually dated a soul in my life except for him now. He's dated a few chicks...I just don't know what I would say when I get there. Like okay, fine, I want to stay over, but I'm going to end up freezing up."

"Oh, Inuyasha...you need to get out more. He would probably yank you in anyway...wait wait...hold on. Sesshomaru's dick can wait, you told off your boss!? Okay that is way more interesting, tell me what happened and why you aren't or are fired."

Inuyasha chuckled and shook his head. Kagome, though as hyperactive as she was, was beyond helpful. He found that just talking to her made him feel better, and he couldn't wait to get over to Sesshomaru's. Sure he said he would come by on the weekend and stay over, but who said Inuyasha couldn't come over and stay for a night? He hadn't really been up there before...only outside when the demon broke his heart for all his mixed messages. It would be like a fresh start for that building. He could pick up some wine or something and they could make love all night. He was already feeling like tonight would be just as good as the day. They talked on the phone, he told his boss to basically fuck off, and he was going to go to his house.

The hanyou wasn't sure what was with his mood and luck today, but he was feeling higher and happier than he had in years.

* * *

Parking in the same spot as he had a couple week before, Inuyasha switched off the engine and took a deep breath. He didn't have any clothes or a tooth brush, or anything with him. He even forgot to pick up wine or something to drink and eat. He figured that would be fine though, Sesshomaru most likely had something in his apartment. But it was this apartment and this spot that had him frozen in place, and he wondered if he would ever gain the courage to get out of his car. Everything was fine now, but the words and events of that night still haunted him and he squeezed his eyes shut, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

"It's all okay...You can get out of the car and go up there..." He whispered to himself and let himself out after another couple minutes.

Checking the listing of the tenants in the main lobby, Inuyasha found Sesshomaru's apartment number and took the elevator up. It was definitely a nice place already, and obvious that the hanyou was going to be stepping in rich territory since the demon was quite high up. The elevator slowed and dinged, the doors opening for him. Stepping out, he cautiously looked at the numbers on the doors, finally finding Sesshomaru's place and knocking on the door. He heard laughter and stumbling before the locks began to click and the door swung open to reveal someone who was definitely  _not_  the demon.

It was a woman he had sworn he'd seen before, with red eyes and hair wavy and loose around her shoulders. He clothes were luckily still on, but with one bottle of wine in her hand and smeared lipstick, Inuyasha was just hoping he had gotten the number wrong and that this was not Sesshomaru's apartment.

"Helloooo?" The girl said, leaning closer, waving a hand in front of the wide eyed hanyou.

_Please let this be the wrong apartment._

"Oi, do you need something? Hey!" She looked back into the apartment, "Someone's here..." She hiccupped and giggled, "Looks kind of cute..."

_Please be the wrong place..._

"Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru said, cheeks flushed from the booze that he had obviously consumed, "What are you doing here?"

 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

* * *

Inuyasha stared wide eyed at the demon inside, watching him stare right back as if he was completely caught off guard. The woman was still confused for a moment until her drunken brain figured out who he was and laughed.

"Oh my god! Inuyasha?! I haven't seen you since high school! I thought you moved away!" She gaped and looked at Sesshomaru, "Why didn't you tell me you two were still in contact?"

Sesshomaru's eyebrow quirked, "Well...he moved away for a year and a half...I didn't..."

"I should go. Sorry to intrude." The hanyou said quickly and turned around, hoping to get away as his chest swelled with that unwanted feeling of dread and sadness. The woman quickly caught his arm and dragged him inside the apartment before he could oppose though, and he was left watching her kick the door shut and letting him go to stand there.

It was then that he remembered who she was.

It really had been high school the last time he saw her, and it was their first year that made him feel like shit every time he saw her. Fresh into the scene, Sesshomaru had started dating girls in middle school, but it was  _her_ that made Inuyasha's blood boil. Kagura was always all over him, and even when he and kagome wanted to hang out with Sesshomaru on their own, she would always end up hooked on his arm and kissing him all over. It got so overwhelming that the hanyou refused to hang out with Sesshomaru for the couple months that they had dated. Rumour had it that she had fucked him at her house, but he never admitted it.

When he ended things, she never stopped sticking around, and Inuyasha's issues only grew worse every time she came near. After a year of not harming himself with blades and pain killers, he had turned back to them as fast as he had found the idea. Sesshomaru of course didn't know this, and now that the artist was standing in his apartment, it was the same ideas that dropped back into his head as he glared at the woman.

"I don't want to be a burden..." He growled.

"It's okay! Three is better than two, especially with alcohol. Now it's a party."

 _It would have been a party in his fucking bed if you weren't here, you fucking whore!_ Inuyasha looked away, ashamed of his thoughts for a moment before going to the kitchen to find some water before he freaked out. Just as he began rummaging for a glass, Kagura was shoving her bottle of wine into his hand with a smile.

"Come on. Let's go sit down and catch up. It's been far too long." She giggled and leaned on him.

Looking over at Sesshomaru, who was still awkwardly standing there watching him, Inuyasha glared at him as he placed the bottle to his lips and tilted his head back to chug half of the contents. The demon almost cowered as he retreated to the couch, allowing Inuyasha enough time to push Kagura off him and towards the couch as well, taking in the small apartment as he did.

It was definitely modern and homey, with some brick walls and sleek appliances. It was simple, with one bathroom in visible sight, a kitchen with an island, the living room, and a small bedroom. Inuyasha snuck a look at the bed before he sat as far away from Sesshomaru and Kagura as he could.

"So...what were you two up to before I crashed your little...party?" The hanyou asked quietly, swirling the contents of the bottle before he took a sip.

"Well...we got off work and decided to come here and hang out. Of course we got a little out of hand with the booze..." Kagura snorted as she began to laugh again.

_Choke. I dare you. Just fucking choke._

"It's not very often that we do anything. Father usually has me keeping busy, so it was nice to..um...do something..." Sesshomaru trailed off, obviously feeling awkward.

"I see...so when did you start working with Sesshomaru anyway?" Inuyasha asked boredly, crossing his legs and leaning back as he drank the wine.

"Oh it was about...umm...oh, Sesshomaru..how long ago did you get me this job?" Kagura asked, leaning over towards the demon.

Casually tipping her back, the demon smiled, "I don't remember. I didn't think it was so important..."

"Kagura, did you know your lipstick is smudged?" The artist asked, gesturing to her, "It reminds me of this piece I did back in high school in my free time with this whore I saw on the street as my subject."

Sesshomaru slowly turned his gaze to the hanyou, his eyes wide with shock, "Inuyasha..." He warned.

"Sorry," He chuckled, "It was so long ago, I didn't think that you looking like a drunken mess would remind me of it."

Blinking at the artist, Kagura didn't seem to have an answer for him. Inuyasha knew he was being a jerk, in fact it was usually what happened when he was in the presence of women like her. Just like the blonde he had kicked out of his house, or rather every blonde and brunette and whatever the hell they were he kicked out. She just looked so...so...

"Inuyasha, are you okay? Do you need to go get some water?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes.

"No, I'm perfectly fine. Do you need water? Maybe a coffee for you and Kagura?"

"Oh! Coffee would be good..." She smiled suddenly, her drunken brain so off the tracks she was hardly catching on to his insults.

"I can go pick a couple up, so like...you two can go back to..I dunno...flirting behind my back or something." Inuyasha growled, standing up before he was pulled back down by Kagura.

"Hold up..." She frowned, "Are you telling me..."

"I'm not telling you anything." The two friends said at the same time.

"I think you should go home, Kagura. We can call you a cab." Sesshomaru sighed, standing up to go find his phone.

"Awww...already?" She whined, leaning over Inuyasha.

The hanyou felt and looked miserable as she continued to climb over him to stare at Sesshomaru. It was like nothing changed. Having him didn't mean that everyone would back off. No, everyone would still treat him like the weird artistic protege and Sesshomaru like some perfect god. It wasn't fair. It was...Inuyasha shook his head a little and allowed the demon to take her off of him and help her with her coat and shoes.

"I'll be right back, Inuyasha. I'm going to take her down to the cab and pay and then we're going to need to talk..." He frowned and opened the door for the drunken woman, disappearing after her.

The moment the door shut, the hanyou pulled his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest. Fuck, he was going to be in so much trouble. He knew what he had said was so uncalled for, but...seeing her open the door, the two of them looking like they had been caught in some act didn't make him feel good at all. All he wanted was one whole night in bed with the demon and now he just wanted to leave while he was out there. To escape was the only thing on his mind now, besides the urge to release the pain.

Placing the wine bottle down, Inuyasha let out a shaky breath and headed to the smaller bathroom in the main area, shutting the door behind him and locking it. He sunk to the ground and pulled his ears down, squeezing his eyes shut to make the thoughts go away. He didn't want to do anything bad in this apartment. He didn't want Sesshomaru to have this on his mind. Sinking a fang into his lip, the hanyou curled up tighter, resisting the urge to bang his head against the door.  _Pull yourself together, Inuyasha...not here...not here. You can't do this here. This isn't your home. This is his and he doesn't need this. He doesn't need your pain to be a burden..._

Despite the thoughts battling in his head though, he still found himself yanking his sleeves up. He could do it here, and then hide them under his shirt so Sesshomaru wouldn't know, but he would still find out. Demons had too good of a nose, he needed to do something somewhere else on his body. Pulling his sleeves back down he wiggled out of his pants and pulled the legs of his boxers up a little. The old scars were still there. He always assumed that it would all just heal over and never be seen again. Little did he know, since he continuously injured himself in the same places over and over, it was getting harder for them to fade away. It would take much longer for these to heal. Rubbing his head, Inuyasha growled at himself, not even paying attention to his other hand as he dug his claws into his flesh. He needed to calm the fuck down. He needed to just apologize and leave.

He heard the door to the apartment click open again and his head snapped up. Glancing down at his leg, he cursed and stumbled over to the toilet paper to wipe up the mess he made on himself.  _Stupid! Stupid, stupid hanyou! Look what you did...he's going to freak out now...Sesshomaru is going to totally freak out!_ Placing a large amount of paper over his wound, he quickly applied pressure and tossed the other tissue into the toilet.

"Come on...come on, come on, come on...Heal up...stop bleeding..." He looked back at the door in a panic just as Sesshomaru knocked from the outside.

"When will you be done in there? I have to talk to you..." The demon said through the door.

"Uhhh...soon...I guess?" The hanyou managed to get out, checking his wounds before putting more pressure on them, "I'm just...finishing up..."

He heard the demon move away from the door, and he sighed, lifting the toilet paper and dabbing at the blood a little more before he pulled his boxers over the gashes he accidently made with his claws. God, it didn't help him much if he didn't know what he was doing. How could he have let himself do this? It was so stupid, and it felt nothing like what he remembered from his high school days. This was ridiculous, he was feeling so good and perfect all day and then this one stupid thing threw him off. Inuyasha wished he could escape and go home to nurse himself, but he drove all the way out here for Sesshomaru, and now his lover wanted to speak to him. He had no choice but to stay.

Pulling up his pants, he threw the bloodied tissue into the bowl as well and flushed to hide the evidence, quickly going to the sink and lathering his hands with enough soup that even he couldn't smell himself anymore. He needed to mask the scent as well as he could so he wouldn't be asked stupid questions. He didn't want the demon to see them or him in that kind of state. Finally leaving the bathroom, the artist straightened himself out and looked at Sesshomaru, who was sitting on the couch.

"Come here..." He heard the demon whisper. The hanyou went over and sat down as far away from him as he could. "Look...I know I told you that I loved you...and you love me...and we've been together a lot during the day when we can be...but when you showed up tonight...I didn't think you would come this far...in fact it scared me."

Inuyasha looked away, trying to look as strong as he could, "How so?...How could I scare you, when you had Kagura answer the door for you?"

"Nothing happened, Inuyasha. She's just a friend."

"A friend you've fucked before. A friend you broke up with. A friend who still wants in your fucking pants!"

"Inuyasha! I know it's hard to believe, but I do have friends outside of you and Kagome. I barely spend time with anyone else, and she offered to come over and we would drink like the old days. I thought she would have left hours before...But she didn't. And I'm sorry that I made you think such ridiculous things, but you need to realize that my life, no matter how much time I have devoted to eventually being with you, does not revolve around you." Sesshomaru leaned over, his hand reaching out for Inuyasha's.

The hanyou pulled his hands into his lap and hung his head. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. He knew he was being clingy already, he didn't want to be, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to be with the demon. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with him, but with Sesshomaru constantly leaving in the middle of the night to go home instead of staying over, it was so hard to not act this way.

"Oh fuck...I...I did it again...Shit..." The demon put his head in his hands, "I keep hurting you...all the time...Being with you has changed nothing with how I treat you..."

"I think...I think I'm going to go back home..." Inuyasha whispered and stood up, "Sorry to be a bother.."

"B..But you aren't! Inuyasha!"

Making it as far as the door, Inuyasha found himself trapped between the door and the demon, and he did not like where this was going already. No apology would fix what he had done to himself.

"Inuyasha...please don't go...You came all the way here, and I don't want you to go..I just..."

"You wanted to tell me off because I was rude. I get it. I'm horrible. Not let me go..." Inuyasha growled, but Sesshomaru instead wrapped his arms around him.

"No...please stay...I'm sorry...I'm drunk, and I said the wrong things... _again..."_

 _"_ I just...I..."

"Come to bed..."

"I should go home..."

The demon nuzzled his face into the crook of Inuyasha's neck and held him tighter, "Stay...come to bed... just stay..."

"You're drunk."

"More reason for you to stay. I don't want to do anything more stupid. Letting you leave...would be like letting you leave for good...and I want to make it up to you."

"You can't make it up to me...What is going on with me...and what you said...It can't just be fixed by you apologizing and sleeping over. I thought I said something like that before..." Inuyasha sighed and winced when he shifted his leg. Fuck, it hurt too much, "I...Look...I'll stay, but..."

Sesshomaru quickly released him and spun him around, lifting him up and pushing him against the door as he stepped closer to trap him against his body. The artist winced again, quickly gripping the demon and his thigh as his lover pulled him close and held him tight enough to walk over to the bedroom. The hanyou had to hold him tighter though, not wanting the drunk demon to drop him, and waited until they were safely by the bed before loosening his grip. Letting him down, the demon suddenly began to strip. Inuyasha's eyes widened and he quickly crawled backwards on the bed as Sesshomaru, suddenly completely naked, crawled over him. His quickly trapped him in a kiss, his mouth sloppy and soon leaving his lips to attack whatever skin he could.

Gasping, and trying to push the demon off, Inuyasha just wanted the demon to snap to his senses. "Sesshomaru..." He warned as the demon began to go after his clothing, already getting his shirt half off before managing to maneuver it around Inuyasha's body and flung it across the room before going to his pants. "No...Sesshomaru...you need to stop..."

The demon looked up at him quickly then went back to yanking off his pants. The hanyou growled and shoved at the demon, though it didn't do much, because his boxers soon joined the other clothes on the floor. It was only then that Sesshomaru stopped and stared at the healing gashes.

"Inuyasha..."

"No...No...Please just forget it. It doesn't matter."

"But...I didn't...When did you..." The demon looked up at Inuyasha, his eyes filled with pain.

"...I don't want to answer that...You're only going to be upset..."

"But...but you...Why?"

Inuyasha took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I just...when you left to take Kagura to a cab...I just...I couldn't..."

"You did...you did this here?" Sesshomaru reached out and cupped the hanyou's cheek, "I didn't...I thought...no...this is my fault..."

"No! No it's not! You didn't do this! It was an accident! My fault!" Inuyasha quickly shouted, watching the demon bow his head and start to shake. Jesus, was he this easy to upset when he was drunk?

"I didn't want to hurt you to this point...not again..." The demon seemed to whine, slowly bending lower to the hanyou's lap. He pressed his face into his stomach and wrapped both arms around his waist, "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha..."

"Stop that...Sadness doesn't look good on you at all..." The hanyou sighed and raked his claws through the demon's hair, "Can...can I..." He didn't know how to ask this at all. Sighing again, he pulled the demon up and pushed him towards the head of the bed, propping him up against the pillows before he settled himself over his legs.

Looking down at the organ between Sesshomaru's legs, Inuyasha quickly looked up at him, "I don't want to use you when you're like this..."  _But how else do I make you shut up? How else do I make myself shut up the thoughts if not with your lust and pleasure? Am I so twisted that I actually want to fuck you to make all of this stop? Even though it won't ever be fixed...I want to fuck you... and then cry myself to sleep in your arms._

Climbing further up the demon, the hanyou spat in his hand and reached behind him to lubricate the already hard cock of his lover and slowly guided himself on to it.

_This isn't right...but I don't know what else to do with us right now...if it will prolong the talk we'll have to have about my sick head and your fear and depression over my own problems, then I will do what I have to. I will do what I must to avoid all confrontation. I don't want you to hate me...I don't want you to worry..._

Inuyasha moaned and threw back his head, slowly moving his hips as the demon flushed beneath him, hands reaching out to roam over his stomach and hips. Circling over Sesshomaru's dick and then moving back and forth, he clung to the demon and began to pant, tears already slipping down his face.

_I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

* * *

Waking to the morning sun leaking into the room from the bedroom window, Inuyasha rolled over and curled his body, burying his face into the plush pillow. He didn't want to be awake. If the sting on his leg wasn't reminder enough of the night before, he could already feel Sesshomaru shifting on the bed, awake. He dared to peek over his shoulder to look at him, catching the curve of his sides, his muscular back, all the way up to the pony tail trailing from the back of his head and then over his shoulder. He looked like he had been up for awhile already, seeing as he even had boxers on, and the demon was hunched, his head bowed slightly.

"You're awake..." He whispered, his head moving so that he could run his fingers through his pony tail, "Your leg...does it hurt still?"

Shifting and sitting up in the bed, the sheets fell away from the hanyou's body and he lifted them off his legs to look at his thigh. They were crusted over now and starting to scar up. They stung a little, but he knew that he would push through it just fine. It wasn't the first time the artist had to deal with the pain that came with the cuts, and he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last.

"They're okay...They sting a little though...keh...It's nothing..." He murmured and then flinched when Sesshomaru whipped around.

"It's not nothing, Inuyasha!" He snarled and then turned away, hanging his head, "I'm sorry...sorry...I just..."

"Whatever...Um...I want to bathe..."

"I'll draw you a bath.."

* * *

Slipping in front of Sesshomaru in the tub, Inuyasha hissed as the heat of the water hit his thigh and he leaned back against the demon's hard chest. Arms wrapped around him and held him closely, occasionally cupping water up onto his skin. Hands caressed his pectorals and then his abdomen before they wrapped around him again, allowing him to sigh and lean back, closing his eyes as the demon turned his head and rested his cheek on the hanyou's head, between his ears. It was silent, and it was calm, everything Inuyasha needed at the moment. Looking back at the night before, he wanted to shoot himself for reacting like that. Yeah, Sesshomaru, his best friend and pretty much boyfriend, was still working with an ex-girlfriend and invited her over for drinks. Maybe it was just casual. Maybe she was advancing on him before and he turned her down, not bothering with an explanation for her drunk brain. But at the same time, they both denied it to her, and he wondered why it had to be such a secret. Why did it matter who hung out with who? Why did it matter that they were together? Shouldn't they just flaunt it and be open and not care?

"You're thinking..." The demon sighed and pressed closer, "What are you thinking so hard about?"

"I don't know...stupid stuff..."

"Nothing is stupid, Inuyasha..."

"This whole bullshit situation is stupid...me slipping up again is stupid...me overreacting about your stupid ex is stupid...Fucking you to shut you up so I wouldn't feel so guilty was stupid too..." Inuyasha grit his teeth and opened his eyes, "I'm not okay."

"You're perfectly fine..."

"No...I mean...I'm so not okay. There is something wrong with me, and I don't know what it is, but I can't fix it and I don't know what to do!" His fists connected with the water, splashing the warm liquid up and hitting both of their faces.

Sesshomaru lifted his head and leaned it against the tile of the tub area, "Maybe...maybe it's time to talk to someone about this...I know you've been like this for a long time, and I just...I don't...I don't want to see you hurt again...It scares me."

Inuyasha hung his head, "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't apologize...please, Inuyasha, you don't need to..."

"B-But...but I am sorry...because I love you...and I want you, but I'm hurting you...with whatever is wrong and it's not fair..."

"Inuyasha...stop it...I just want you to be alright. That's more important to me than myself."

 _But...but what if..._ Inuyasha's thoughts stopped, bringing him back to the first time he had ever hurt himself, the first time he ever let himself bleed over nothing.

* * *

_"Stupid...stupid stupid..." Inuyasha made his way quickly to the middle school bathroom after school, the scene of his one love making out with that fucking bitch at his locker still branded into his brain._

_What did they all take him for? Couldn't Sesshomaru tell? Couldn't he fucking see how hopelessly in love he was with him, or was he too good at hiding his feelings? God, how could he do this. How could he just...date someone and flaunt his bitch in front of him when it was just supposed to be the two of them? The hanyou burst into the bathroom and dumped his bag on the ground, turning the tap on and splashing his face with water. His bangs quickly soaked up what hit his forehead, and they clung to his hot skin, making him look worse than before._

_He sniffled and wiped his nose, washing the snot off his hand and then storming over to the hand dryer, trying to dry his hands off, but gave up after two seconds and just pulled his sweater sleeves down to cover his wet hands. He felt ridiculous for being so worked up, but how could he not be? Watching someone you love be with someone else was like some sick and cruel joke played by the universe. It felt like his life was just some big joke to fate. He could feel so amazing and happy one moment, and then it decided to use everything he wanted and loved in his life against him to regret his existence. How many suicide notes had he written out and then shredded, hiding them at the bottom of the waste basket in his bathroom so his mother wouldn't find it? How many pills had he swallowed from the drug store before regretting it and throwing them up? Skipping meals, beating himself up, crying in the shower, he was weak and feeble and life just liked to remind him every day._

_Sighing, Inuyasha went back to the mirror and pushed back his hair, looking at himself in the mirror before deciding it was time to just go home. It was after school anyway, and there was no point in sticking around. Sesshomaru was probably going to go home with Yura or just go out to the mall with her and treat her like gold. So waiting for him to walk home with him was useless. Bending down to pick up his bag, the hanyou sniffed and then looked over at the bottom of the stalls, catching a pair of heavy looking combat boots, and figured the creepy kid in his grade must still be here. Sniffing again, he got down on his hands and knees, pressing his chest to the dirty tiles as he tried to peek further under the door._

_A drop of blood hit the ground, and then another. Inuyasha's eyes widened and he got up and went to the door, peeking in through the space of the stall. The kid from his class was bent over on the toilet, blade in one hand and red smearing all over his wrist. Stumbling backwards and hitting the sinks, he fumbled for his bag, accidently kicking it farther from him, forcing him to run after it and then out of the bathroom and school. He didn't stop running the few blocks home, checking over his shoulder occasionally in hopes that the kid cutting up his arms wasn't chasing him down to cut him up too for watching him do it. Hitting his front door, he struggled with the doorknob and got inside, slamming the door hard and panting against it._

_"Son? Is that you? Don't slam the doors, you're mother just got back from the hospital." His dad shouted from the kitchen, appearing a couple seconds later with a tray of tea and soup, "Could you bring this up to her? She's been waiting for you all afternoon."_

_Inuyasha gently took the tray and let his dad adjust his backpack onto his shoulders again, smiling and caressing the side of his face._

_"The doctors said she'll be just fine after radiation...Don't look so worried, boy...Mom is going to be alright..." His father said softly, bending down and kissing his ear, "Steak for dinner. Go on up."_

_Nodding, the hanyou carefully ascended the stairs and walked down the hall, past all the family photos on the walls, the family bathroom, the playroom his father turned into a studio for him, and then finally to the master bedroom. It was large and white, the light pouring in from the sheer curtains. The room looked so untouched except for his mother's form sitting up on the bed. She smiled, her skin almost as white as the sheets._

_"Come here, baby...I missed you..." She giggled and reached her hands out for him._

_Placing the tray on her lap, Inuyasha pulled his sleeves down over his hands again and walked around to his father's side of the bed, crawling onto the sheets and sitting down with his feet up on the blankets, "Dad says you're going to be okay..."_

_"The doctors are going to have me back next month for radiation. They say that it will be hard, but it's better than losing all my hair, isn't it?"_

_"I do love your hair...You look best with long hair, mom..."_

_Izayoi smiled and sipped the tea, "You're so wonderful to me, Inuyasha...A true gentleman, just like your father."_

_"What did the doctors say about having a baby?" Inuyasha found himself whispering, "You lost the last one, but can't you and dad try again? I...I...just..."_

_"I know you want a little brother or sister, Inuyasha...we'll have to see what happens after this...alright? I'm going to try my best for you, baby." She smiled sadly and reached over, brushing his hair back from his face, "Time for a hair cut...We'll have to have daddy pick you up from school and take you into town to get it trimmed...It's getting so long and thick...I'm jealous of the colour. You and your father both have that beautiful demon look about you..."_

_"We aren't as pretty as you, mommy..." He smiled and his ears threatened to flatten, but he forced them to perk up, "I have math homework. I'll come back before dinner and help you downstairs."_

_"Momma's little helper, aren't you. Go get your work done, baby. I don't want to hold you back."_

_Inuyasha nodded and slipped off the bed, slowly making his way back down the hall, wiping at his face as he locked himself into his room. He pulled his desk chair over and shoved it under the door handle and then went over to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He looked under the sink and pulled out the rolls of toilet paper his father put in there for him and some boxes of old bathroom products until he found an unopened box of razors and the painkillers he bought from the corner store._

_Looking over his shoulder and listening carefully, he opened the package of razors and pulled one out, placing it on the counter and then opening the bottle. He pulled out the cotton and then closed it up again, placing it next to the razor. Shoving all the things he pulled out back under his sink, he pulled back his hair and took a good look at himself in the mirror before he grabbed the razor and snapped the top off with ease. Taking the time to break off the plastic, he finally got the three blades out and onto the counter, tossing the plastic into the trash with some toilet paper wrapped around it._

_Pulling back his sleeve, he grabbed the bottle and opened it again, shaking out more than he needed and swallowing them dry as he grabbed one of the blades and pressed it against his skin._

You can do this...you can do it...that kid did it...he cut himself...it looked...it looked so scary and painful, but it has to work. It has to work. I don't know what it's supposed to do, but I can't stand seeing mom like that and it hurts and I'm sick of everything hurting!  _He squeaked when he quickly sliced his skin open, the blood pouring out fast. He repeated the process over and over again, until the floor was speckled with his fluids and he dropped the blade onto the tiles, backing away from the mess with wide eyes. It hurt. It hurt so much...but...but...it felt...good..._

* * *

Sitting on the couch, watching the television with Sesshomaru, Inuyasha looked down at his unmarred skin on his wrist and then turned his attention to the breakfast the demon made for him. Today it was three sunny eggs, toast, and Canadian bacon slices. The demon had a larger portion and his focus sometimes went away from the food and the screen to look at Inuyasha and run his fingers through his hair and lean over to litter his cheek and jaw with little kisses.

The hanyou couldn't help but blush and his heart leapt with each touch of his lips, but the guilt of doing what he did wouldn't go away, and he felt so horrible, he just wanted to hide in Sesshomaru's bed and never come out.

* * *

_"He still wants a brother...Honey...I don't know what to tell my little boy..." Inuyasha heard his mother say. He was all the way in the doorway of his own room, but no matter how quietly they spoke, his hearing was just as good as a demon's and he could hear every word they were saying._

_"Ovarian cancer is serious, Izayoi...you know that we can't anymore...The doctors said that the radiation could ensure that we don't have any more kids. I know he's lonely, I know he's upset, but do you honestly believe that giving him a small child to play with and care for is the right approach to whatever is going on in his head?"_

_"I just want my baby to be happy...I know he's sad sometimes...but I don't know what else to do for him..."_

_"We're going to have to just do what we can...We can't give him what he wants with us...As much as I would love to raise another child with you, Izayoi, we just..."_

_"I know...I know...Can you go check on him? I'm so worried...he looked so distressed today after school..."_

_Inuyasha backed up and gently shut the door, moving his chair back to his desk and sat down, opening his binder to pretend that he was actually doing his work. His father came in seconds later, keeping his distance._

_"Sesshomaru phoned a little while ago. Wanted to know if you would like to go over to his house to work on homework and play video games."_

_"I'll call back after I'm done this problem, dad...I'm almost done and you're ruining my concentration."_

_"Sorry, sorry. Just don't hole yourself up all night. Go out and have some fun. He said something about missing you after school, so make sure you go see him." His father said and left, shutting the door._

_Tear drops staining his homework, Inuyasha reached for the cordless phone on his desk and dialed the demon's number with shaky fingers. It rang a couple times and soon the voice he loved was speaking to him on the other end._

_"Oh! Inuyasha! Your dad said you were busy in the bathroom before, so I'm glad you didn't forget to call back." Sesshomaru laughed on the other side, "Yura went home so I was wondering if you wanted to come over, maybe sleep over and stuff."_

_"Sure...I guess so..."_

_"...Inuyasha...Are you okay?"_

_"Y-yeah...I'm fine..."_

_"Alright...I'll see you soon then?"_

_"Yeah...yeah see you..." Hanging up before Sesshomaru could say anything more, Inuyasha got up and went back to the bathroom for the blades, shoving them into his pocket along with a couple pills and then began to pack._

* * *

"Would you like to stay over, Inuaysha?" Sesshomaru asked quietly, "We could order in or go out...it would be like a date..."

"Alright...sure I guess..." He whispered and looked at the demon.

_"What are those? Inuyasha? What did...Inuyasha is that blood on your shirt?"_

"Whatever you want...I want to make sure you're alright. I want to make you happy this weekend. I want to wake up next to you and make you dinner and try and be a good boyfriend...a boyfriend that you deserve."

_"It's nothing! God, Sesshomaru! Why do you even care!? It's none of your stupid business!"_

_"Inuyasha! What the hell is wrong with you?"_

Inuyasha lowered his gaze and swallowed, "Do you trust me though?"

"Of course...I...I do..."

_"Is...is it Izayoi?"_

_It was so much more._

_So, so much more, Sesshomaru. And I don't know what to do anymore._

_"_ You really shouldn't. That's your first true mistake."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

* * *

He'd been out of it for long and he knew it. Inuyasha wasn't a fool, he knew he slipped up again, which only resulted in more slip ups and now he was sitting on his bed, near lifeless, with vacant eyes and a busy head. His whole body stung with bruises and gashes, and the hanyou knew his clothes were stained, but he hardly cared. He shouldn't have hurt himself when Sesshomaru had had Kagura over. It had been over a month since that point, and he had cuts and bruises from sex and himself, though that didn't mean he couldn't find more places. So to avoid hurting himself physically he immediately went to the pills and alcohol again, which was why all the lights were off and everything was unplugged. His cell phone had vibrated way too many times for his liking, which only proved his guilt.

Somewhere in the distance of his mind, the artist heard someone walk into his house, and he wasn't scared. He knew who would find him and already the tears were spilling down his cheeks as he shifted to look less dead. Kagome came in as she usually did after one of his screw ups, face hard and cold, and hands already busy picking bottles and glasses off his floor.

"How are you feeling?" She asked quietly, moving to his bathroom and grabbing all the blades and pills out on the counter, wrapping them up in toilet paper and throwing them into the toilet. The sound of the flush made him flinch and he hung his head in response. "That's what I thought..."

Disappearing out of the room, he heard her move around the kitchen, coming back with the weaker pain killers and a tall glass of iced water. She handed him only one pill, and then the water, already cutting him off from the good shit.

"I'm sorry..." He murmured, sipping the water.

"You normally are once you realize what you did to yourself..." Kagome sighed and sat next to him, pulling out a brush and going after what hair she could, "You're all matted...I'll work on it after...let me see."

Putting his arms out, Inuyasha let her lift his sleeves, hearing her sigh again. She pulled them back down and then tugged at the bottom hem of his shirt. He lifted his arms and let her pull it off, already bracing for the beating he deserved. It didn't come, instead she led with another question.

"Which is from him and what did you do yourself?"

"These are from sex..." He pointed to the obvious claw marks and dark bruises on his hips and waist, "I have some on my thighs too...These...on my chest and below...they're my fault."

"He's been calling you."

"I know...I'm sorry..."

"He's worried. He's coming later today to see you. He told me."

"But I look like hell."

"Better than last night when I dragged you home from the bar. You were trying to pick up chicks again."

"Shit..."

"Yeah, it's okay though. I told them I was your girlfriend, and took you out. Though I got some other dude's number. Said to call him when I was done with 'dog breath.'" She blinked, "He meant you. You smelt worse than dog...In fact you still do...Let's get you in the shower."

Helping him up out of bed, Kagome let the hanyou lean on her all the way to the other bathroom which was the only one with a shower in his house. It was a long walk for him in this condition and mood, but knowing Sesshomaru would be coming seemed to push him to get cleaned up and presentable. He didn't care about being seen with scars, he had a funny feeling that the demon already knew what he would look like under his clothes. What he did care though was how he smelt and looked on the outside. He wanted to look good for him, and to not look dead. It would only worry his boyfriend the end of his wits, and he didn't want to see Sesshomaru freak out and cry over him. He never did cry, but the artist didn't know what he would do if he saw him like this.

* * *

After he showered and Kagome helped him look more presentable, Inuyasha decided that he was ready for whatever happened with Sesshomaru. And as if on cue, the demon was knocking on the door. Pushing the hanyou over to answer it, Kagome smiled and rubbed his back.

"You worry too much, just...go...answer him so you guys can have a good day, alright?" She whispered.

Nodding a little, the hanyou opened the door and came face to face with a puppy.

Sesshomaru was holding a puppy.

"What is that?" Inuyasha pointed at the dog.

"It's a dog." Sesshomaru said, moving to step inside.

"Yeah, but why do you have it?"

"Because you disappeared and I figured you were upset because you hadn't answered my calls...so I bought you a puppy."

"That is the strangest logic I have ever heard..."

The demon put the puppy down and let the fluffy and white ball of joy gallop around the carpet and bark. He looked at the hanyou with a sad smile and gently grabbed his arm, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. Inuyasha instantly clung to him and buried his face into his chest, the warmth of his body something he had been missing for what seemed like an eternity.

"Why did you buy me a dog though? Buying me one just because I'm sad doesn't make any sense..." Inuyasha whispered.

"I know that for the longest time...your parents had tried to give you things, but they always fell through. It didn't matter how much money they had...they couldn't give you something to care for...and so I thought about it...and a dog was the perfect thing."

"He is cute..." He pulled away to look at the little thing as he bounded over to him and Sesshomaru, jumping at their legs.

Smiling, the demon picked him up and held him out for Inuyasha again, "What will you name your new companion?"

"Fluffy...sama..."

"Inuyasha...that's just lame..." Kagome piped up.

"It's not lame. He's fluffy, and I dunno...I suck at names, okay?"

"Fluffy-sama works..." Sesshomaru said, trying not to laugh, "We should get him some food though...We can all go out to the pet store, or it could just be me and you, Inuyasha."

"Kagome already helped me dress...she probably has better things to do. Like get a boyfriend."

"Ouch. That was such a bad burn, Inuyasha. You hurt my feelings so much," Kagome rolled her eyes and went to the door, "But you two should go on your own. I don't wanna be the third wheel when you guys haven't seen each other in a month. Catch up. Buy dog things. Have dinner. Bone each other. I have better things to do than watch you guys make oogly eyes at each other."

"You sound so jealous..." Inuyasha smirked.

"Shut up, I'm a lonely soul." She snorted and waved, "I'll see you guys later, and by later, I mean when I get a guys number because I'm going to go bar hopping now."

"No you're not. You're going home to watch your recorded episodes of Game of Thrones while you eat instant ramen and play Pokemon." Sesshomaru pointed out, "You can't deny it. When I called I heard the battle music."

"You guys suck, you know that?" Pouting, Kagome shut the door, leaving the three dogs alone.

Sesshomaru ran his fingers through Inuyasha's hair and kissed him softly, "Let's go and get out...you need to leave this house for a bit...Dinner's on me."

The hanyou blushed and nodded, "Sure, but...we can't have dinner with the dog..."

"There are ways to go out to eat when you have pets."

* * *

"When you said there were ways to eat with pets, I was expecting a pet friendly restaurant..." Inuyasha said, looking around, "Not the beach we always hang out at."

"I tried. Give me some credit, I wasn't expecting Kagome to suggest a date, I figured we would have just stayed home or something and laugh at the pup." Sesshomaru sighed and passed the hanyou his burger from the fast food joint they hit up on the way there.

"Well...you're lucky I like greasy burgers."

"It was our diet back in high school."

"And this was our spot for the entire summer of senior year." Inuyasha pointed out, taking a bite of his burger as the demon fed a french fry to the puppy rolling around in the sand at their feet.

It was actually nice to eat somewhere familiar. The beach was their number one destination to relax and talk back in the day, and the last time they had come there, Sesshomaru did break his heart with his vagueness. Being here now, with an energetic puppy and his best friend, more like boyfriend, was something he couldn't top in his mind.

"So...why did you ignore me for a month?" Sesshomaru whispered, biting into his food.

"...I don't know...Just...after the last slip up...when Kagura was at your place...I just went downhill...I didn't want you to see me like this...I thought it was better that I stayed away until I got my shit together."

"But I know you don't have it together. It's why I've been worried...I know what injuries I've done to you...I know where and how I did them..." The demon touched the hanyou's arm and pulled up his sleeve a little to show the scabs, "These are not from me...and it worries me...like the first time I saw them on you in middle school...I didn't know what to do then, and I don't know what to do now."

"You can't fix me, you know that right? Like..I'm not a broken toy, I can't be fiddled with and taped back together. I have my problems...and you love me anyway, and that's all you can do."

"But sometimes...when you get...depressed...I'm unsure of what kind of loving and care I need to do for you to make you feel even just a little better."

"Sex is always nice..."

"Yes, but you did that once to shut me up because I freaked out over your cuts. I like sex when the emotions are high and it's not just to shut one of us up, it's to grow closer. Plus, I love fucking you because you make the most adorable noises. It pleases me greatly..."

Inuyasha blushed and shook his head, "Look...just...don't worry about it."

"Sex?"

"No...my depression...I'll figure it out myself..."

"It's not something you have to battle alone, Inuyasha."

"Yeah I know...but," He sighed, "It's my problem...it's in my head...most of the time I'm battling it alone anyway, the most you can do is just support me...and maybe hold me and kiss me sometimes. I like your mouth. You have soft lips like a chick."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment, seeing as I plan on making love to you all night before I smother you in my sleep."

"Hot, make sure the puppy isn't staring at us though..." He looked down at the dog as he was already staring at the two of them, begging for more food and attention. Inuyasha took a chunk of his burger off with his fingers and fed it to the dog, "It's so creepy when you're doing something intimate and they just stare..."

"No different than when you stare at me when I undress above you..." Sesshomaru rolled his eyes.

"You have a hot body, and I know I'm getting laid. The dog just wants pets and cuddles."

"Sounds like another dog I know."

"Who?...Wait a second! That's not funny! I am so less doglike compared to you!"

Laughing, Sesshomaru leaned closer to the hanyou and purred, " I got you sounding less gloomy..."

Inuyasha couldn't help but smile at that as he pushed the demon's face away and ate more of his burger. He was already feeling better already.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

* * *

"Ahhhn!"

"Fuck!.."

Gripping tightly to the demon's shoulders, Inuyasha rocked and bounced on Sesshomaru's cock, face buried in his neck to hide his wanton expression. He wished that the demon didn't have such high stamina, because he was sure he was going to cum again, and he wasn't even sure that was possible. His ass felt so full and it was so hard to quiet when his arms were wrapped around him, moving him when he couldn't move himself anymore.

"I'm close..." Sesshomaru breathed against the hanyou's ear, his breathing harsh and rapid.

"Oh my god...j-just..cum in me already! Please!" The artist cried out, "I...I-I...I can't take it anymore..."

It didn't take long after that. Sesshomaru lifted the hanyou slightly and slammed his cock deep inside of him, releasing quickly. Inuyasha clung to him desperately as he was filled with his warmth, his body shaking as he felt his cum fill inside of him, already dripping out. Sighing, they relaxed against each other on the bed, the demon still leaning against the pillows and headboard. He stroked the hanyou's hair slowly, occasionally running his fingers through his mane to smooth it out. It took a while to realize though that in the room there was someone else panting along with them and Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow as he sat up, holding the hanyou against him.

"Do...do you hear that?" He asked in a whisper.

Inuyasha frowned, "Yeah...what the...Oh my god! What did I say about shutting the fucking door!"

Looking down at the end of the bed, their new puppy sat staring at them. His tongue hung out of his mouth as he panted, seeming to be smiling at his owners. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha both went red as the puppy started to jump and roll around the bed, clearly wanting to play.

"I can't believe the dog watched you fuck me..." The artist whined, hiding his face as Fluffy came over and put his paws on his leg, letting out a little bark.

"Well...he doesn't seem to be too bothered...I think he thinks we were playing..." Sesshomaru snorted out of amusement and lifted the hanyou completely off of him and tossed him across the bed, allowing the puppy to bark and jump onto him.

"N-No! Stop! Stop jumping on me!" Inuyasha shouted as the demon laughed and leaned over the bed to grab his underwear and pants, putting them on as the hanyou and puppy played a little.

After redressing and fixing himself a little, Sesshomaru got Inuyasha's clothes and picked Fluffy up, trading the clothes for him, "Go change. I'll put him outside for a bit and see if I can make him go pee out there...I have a feeling you'll be cleaning up puppy piddle for a while."

"I'll call you over if he does. Then you can clean it, you butthole!" Inuyasha frowned and yanked his pants back on, getting up to go to the den. Maybe he'd sketch something new tonight. It had been awhile since he'd practiced. With the demon in his life like this now, he found himself drifting off from his art and spending more time trying to be with Sesshomaru and focusing on his own health.

Of course the demon would have him eating more, and Kagome seemed to back off a bit because of the relationship. The past month he hadn't eaten much, and he was surprised at how hungry he was even now even. He almost wanted to make something and just sit there and stuff his face, but he could miss the opportunity he would be presented with if he did. So he grabbed up his sketchbook and a couple pencils, going over to the back door that Sesshomaru had left open and sat on the back step. Sesshomaru seemed to be praising the puppy who looked delighted. Obviously it was successful in going to the bathroom outside, and the demon pulled out a treat from his back pocket to give to the energetic pup.

Going to a blank page, Inuyasha quickly captured the moment, smiling to himself as he watched the two. It really did make him feel better to have the house full with people who wanted to be in his life. Even the puppy was kind of cute for being a surprise. Hopefully he could get it to not shit all over the house when he left for work the next day.

Sesshomaru looked over at him and scowled playfully when he caught the hanyou sketching, and Inuyasha simply stared at him innocently as he held up what he had done. The demon smiled and picked up Fluffy, bringing their foreheads together and giving it a kiss on the nose before sending it over to the artist.

* * *

"Fired!?"

"Yes. Fired."

Inuyasha sat in the staff room, a little surprised by this. He'd come in every day that week, and he hadn't talked back and he made sure he was generally free to close if he had to. He had to be good anyway, only because he had neglected to come in for a while. When Takemaru asked to see him in the back he wasn't sure what to prepare for. This wasn't it at all though. He'd worked here for over a year and gotten away with his behavior before. Now this? This wasn't what he needed now!

"B-but...Why the hell are you firing me!?" He snapped, holding out his hands, "What did I do?!"

"You haven't been around for a month, and then you came strolling in as if that was okay." Takemaru crossed his arms.

"It was always okay before!"

"Well, you and your little prodigy ass here can't get away with this anymore. So you're done."

"I have a feeling there is more to this than my absence..." Inuyasha growled.

"We can't have people like you here."

"People like me!?"

"Elitist little shits with stupid talents. You can't just walk around like you're so perfect, Inuyasha. You're making everyone uncomfortable with this lifestyle you choose. Getting away with everything because you have some dumb talent to draw stick figures."

"There is more to art than that! I didn't choose to have talent! It just happened! I've been humble about it my whole life!"

"Yeah right. You shove it in my face all the time." Takemaru glared at him.

"Are you seriously firing me because you're an untalented old coot with no life!?" The hanyou shouted, standing up, "You have got to be kidding me! You know what!? You can't fire me!"

Inuyasha growled and tore off his nametag and chucked it at the human manager. Grunted and giving off another growl, his ears pulling back, he grabbed his bag and stuck his middle finger up.

"I quit."

He turned on his heel and stormed out of the staff room, plowing past the other employees who seemed to have gathered around the door to listen in when he started shouting. He couldn't believe this! It was hard enough to get this job, now he was jobless, and he had a payment coming up for his place and he needed the money. He had some put aside for things like this, but he already had dipped into it to cover his ass the month before. Going over to his car, he got in and slammed the door shut, gripping the steering wheel before he let out a long and angry scream.

God damnit! He was so pissed he just wanted to...to...to see Kagome and Sesshomaru. That's what he wanted to do. Starting up the car, he felt the key creak in his grip, and he had to tell himself to cool down a little so he wouldn't snap it in the ignition. That would be the last thing he'd need to do; break his fucking car. Driving away from the store dangerously, his speedometer threatening to go past the speed limit, he once again had to ease his foot off the gas so he wouldn't get ticketed. His emotions were on fire, Inuyasha was just in a rage. He'd never felt his angry before. He didn't even know why he was feeling more angry than depressed, it was terrifying.

Making it home in record time, he burst through the door, sending his new puppy scattering away from him, whining in fear of the powerful aura that he put off. He looked down at Fluffy, watching his tail sink between his legs and shake so bad that he actually started to pee on the carpet. Inuyasha growled and then relaxed shutting the door as calmly as he could manage. He went over to the pup and gently picked him up, holding him to his forehead for a moment as he took deep breaths.

"Sorry..." He mumbled, "Let's clean up." He sighed and put the puppy down, going to the kitchen to find his cleaning supplies. He didn't mean to scare the dog. He really didn't, and now he felt bad. He saw the little thing trembling there in his mind as he cleaned up, Fluffy just staring at him as he did, and he wondered why dogs were so loyal.

Why did they keep coming back for love when all they got was pain? The artist snorted and shook his head, that sounded just like him. Constantly going back to a job that didn't want him around because he was too talented. He shouldn't be too upset, seeing as he got the last word in, but now he was out of a job, out of something to do. The hanyou sat back and wiped his forehead, the puppy trotting over to him and climbing into his lap like he was some seat for him.

"I don't know what to do...I suck at this." He sighed and pet the dog a little before he picked him up under his arm like a football and put away the supplies, "Let's just...lay down a bit and relax before we call over everyone, yeah? We don't need the drama, do we, fluffy-sama? My little moko-moko...yes you are...yes you are..."

Inuyasha smiled to himself. Man, how long had he wished for a dog? Then he got one and he was so ungrateful. But the past week had been nice to have someone greet him when he came home when Sesshomaru was busy.

"We're going to nap...and then we're gonna fuck all the bitches up, aren't we? My little partner in crime...shh...don't tell Sesshomaru I like you."

Fluffy barked, his tail wagging as Inuyasha laid down on his bed and put the pup on his stomach. Yeah, a nap, and then he'd freak out later. Better than sinking into his misery. He didn't want to hurt himself anymore...he just didn't want to break over the little things like he used to. There was too much to lose now.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

* * *

Inuyasha shifted awkwardly with Fluffy in his lap. He didn't expect to be stared at like this, even with Sesshomaru beside him on the couch, his arm around his shoulder protectively, it wasn't helping his uneasiness as they both looked to the couple across from them in the living room. When he had phoned his friend and boyfriend to talk to them both about his recent loss of job, he was just expecting the two of them like usual. Kagome had to go ahead and hook up though, and now there was a fourth wheel to their friendship.

He guessed that maybe that number she got from babysitting him at the club was real, and now she was sitting in the lap of some wolf demon on the floor across from them. The blue eyed wolf looked at the hanyou, the hanyou looked at Kagome, she looked at Sesshomaru, while Sesshomaru just glared at the new demon. Inuyasha huffed, they were so uneven now. Their mix of the races was nice, having a human, a demon and a hanyou all hang out, but now there was an  _extra._ His brain just couldn't process this. Something about Kagome not being single just seemed weird and like something out of the Twilight Zone, and it made his anxiety fly through the roof.

"So..." He coughed and shifted the puppy in his arms so that he was hugged to his stomach, "You, um...you brought a...a..um...?" Inuyasha looked to Sesshomaru, seeing as he was much better at talking than him anyway.

The demon sighed and turned to Kagome, "Are you going to introduce us to your date, or will we have to sniff ass to greet each other?"

Kagome snapped out of her trance and made a disgusted face, "Ewwwwwwww! Gross! Sesshomaru, what the hell!?"

"Oh, so it's okay for you to make period jokes, but I can't make a dog joke?" Sesshomaru look at Inuyasha and the other two. Seeing the disapproval in his statement, he rolled his eyes and slouched in defeat.

"It's okay, Kagome is just a natural at grossing us out and not making everyone too disturbed that we never want to talk to her again." Inuyasha shrugged and gave the demon a small smile, "You never were too good with jokes..."

"Shut up..." The demon whined, clearly upset about his lack of humor.

"Well, that was extremely awkward," The wolf smirked, "You dogs are weird."

"Thanks, we pride ourselves on our butt sniffing abilities, which was passed down from our ancestors," Inuyasha smirked.

Kagome groaned, "Oh lord...I forgot how much you idiots hate each other."

"It's not that we hate wolves, we just hate how they think they're superior only because they came around first," Sesshomaru shrugged and smiled to himself, "At least dogs are domesticated and well kept, eat healthy and get plenty of exercise, where as wolves smell like the shit they eat and tend to look scruffy and challenged."

"Watch it, my family is from a long line of asskickers, don't tempt me." The wolf growled.

"Oh, I'd love to see how you act when society isn't run your way." Sesshomaru leaned forward a little, baring his fangs in a challenge.

Inuyasha sighed and yanked the demon back by the collar of his shirt, "Look, as much as wolves bother me, and how I hate that I'll have to deep clean my carpet to get half of his stank out of my house, this isn't about you and your boyfriend, this is about me, and even though I suck at making things about me you will all just have to deal."

"Well...it is always kind of about you, Inuyasha," Kagome frowned, "You've been in our thoughts for a long time, especially with your issues."

"Yeah, but it's not like I throw it out there, and force you to care, you just do."

"True, true, you have me there."

"Wait, issues?" The wolf quirked an eyebrow.

Kagome shook her head, "We'll get to that, for now, let's do introductions and then we can go back to Inuyasha, seeing as he did invite us all here."

"I invited two of the three of you..." Inuyasha mumbled to himself as fluffy squirmed in his arms so he could lick at his chin.

Kagome sighed and then perked up, turning back to look at the wolf, "This is Kouga, I met him at the club a while ago, and we've been hanging out and talking and stuff. Kouga, these are my best friends, and the cutest and dumbest couple ever, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru."

Kouga nodded and smirked, "Despite you both being dogs, I gotta say you both have some unique names there. Killing Perfection and Dog Demon? Not many people keept to old names anymore, you know."

"Our parents are old fashioned and rich, it's expected." Sesshomaru sighed.

"Alright, that's done, can we get on with my problems now?" Inuyasha huffed, placing Fluffy into Sesshomaru's lap so he could bother someone else for a bit. Kagome and the demon blinked, looking at the hanyou for a moment.

"You never willingly talk about your problems..." Kagome pointed out in a whisper.

"It's true...you usually just keep it to yourself..." Sesshomaru said.

"Yeah, well, unfortunately this problem isn't too personal and about my feelings, so I think I'm good," Inuyasha growled, "Look, the problem here is I was fired...or I quit...my job today, and I don't know what to do because I've lived off my parents up until a couple years ago, and I need to make payments, and I don't have enough cash put aside to not work, and being an artist right now isn't going to pay for shit, and I just...I-I j-just..."

"Slow down, and calm yourself, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru frowned, his brow furrowing in worry for the hanyou, "You were fired?"

"Takemaru said it was because I'm an elitist who flaunts his talent and makes everyone uncomfortable and everyone basically hates me." The hanyou sighed.

"What!? Are you kidding me? This guy has been treating you like dirt for a while, and he only said this now?" Kagome threw up her hands, almost hitting Kouga in the face, "Sure, he's been a total douchebag to you, but not to this extent! Does he not know how emotionally distraught you could become over his words?!"

"Kagome, please, do you think anyone besides you and me know of Inuyasha's mental instabilities?" Sesshomaru growled at her, "Besides, Kouga now, which is making this overly awkward..."

Kouga looked at the three friends, "The pup is mentally ill?"

Inuyasha smacked his forehead, earning a bark from his dog who was currently trying to slip away from Sesshomaru so he could go smell things and possibly pee on the floor again. "Not like...brain damage...I've just been unstable and prone to violent acts towards myself when I get upset, it's no big deal..."

"No big deal?" Kagome scoffed, "Since middle school you've been harming yourself and crying and going into complete hysteria over everything that had your emotions build up to high."

"So he's depressed?" The wolf cautiously tried again.

"We guess...He's never seen a therapist...and he won't tell his parents..." Sesshomaru sighed.

"Guys, seriously, job problem, I don't want to talk about my head or my parents." Inuyasha put up his hands to stop the conversation, "What I need help with is getting a job, I don't have time to talk about my sad life and how I should feel priviledged because my parents have a fuck ton of money and could feed me whatever fucking food I wanted. I want to know what to do. I'm confused, and surprisingly angry about this, and I don't want to make myself sad because people don't understand how I feel inside half the time."

Sesshomaru sighed once more and leaned back into the couch, "You probably don't want to follow through with the idea I have...seeing as finding a job when you've spent your entire life trying to avoid working, and only in the last couple years did you even try to be employed because reality hit you in the face...but you could always work for your father..."

Kagome and Inuyasha both froze with the mention of that option. While his relationship with both his parents was fairly normal, it was the business relationship with his father that was strained. The hanyou had been encouraged in his younger years to paint and draw, but as he grew older and his talent began to form to its full potential, his father had gotten it in his mind that he should pursue art school and take business and learn to sell himself. A fair plan, seeing as he would need to learn to sell himself and his talent, but, he knew that his father also had wanted him to take over the company when he was older too. That was one bit of satisfaction he wasn't willing to give his parents, because he knew it would only make him more depressed.

He couldn't see himself working there, and being there at all would just feed his father's ego, and strain their relationship until it broke into the father and son bond they still had and destroyed them both. Inuyasha wasn't ready to lose his father like he had lost his younger sibling. He wasn't ready to lose a parent when he had already witnessed the loss of part of a parent.

"I don't want to work for that man...I moved out for that exact reason. Going there and begging for a job would be like handing myself on a platter to him. I'll never leave...I'll be stuck..." He whispered.

Kagome frowned and looked between the two demons as Kouga shifted, a little uncomfortable with the topics addressed. "Well, don't you need a job?" The wolf piped up, "When it comes down to it, anyone will do anything for money, but like you have an easy in. It's not like you're from a native wolf tribe. We have enough problems. I'm lucky enough to have a job at all. I'm the only one capable for caring for my pack now. You're privileged, sure, like amazingly so, but that doesn't mean you have to sit there and act it just because you took it on. You can still get out of it and be your own person, dumbshit."

Everyone looked to the wolf, who simply leaned back on his hands and shrugged. Sesshomaru blinked and then looked to Inuyasha, "You know he's right...you can be whatever you wish to be...but take the opportunity to make enough money to where you won't need to be your father or take on his legacy...I'm sure in time...he will understand..."

"Does that mean that you'll do the same?...You do work for him and your father too...You aren't expecting to stay there forever too are you? You had dreams once...dreams to be just as free as everyone else and to be happy...You know damn well that that place is a prison..." Inuyasha whispered.

"I do...and I don't plan to be there forever. I plan to spend my eternal life doing other things, just like you do. Don't let you mind tell you how it's going to be. Tell it how you want it to be...and maybe one day it will listen..."

Kagome nodded, "We're all here for you, Inuyasha...We'll help you, always. Because we love you, even if you make me stress more than my mother does."

"Hey, I barely know you, and I won't let you head make up stupid destinies for you. Like hell, maybe one day I'll be a superstar, why? Because why the fuck not?" Kouga smirked.

Inuyasha snorted, "You all are crazy...sticking with me when I'm so stupid and such a downer."

"You may be a downer, Inuyasha, on occasion...but you're my downer." The demon smiled and pulled him close.

"Okay, so now that we're done with that, can we talk about how Kagome totally saved your ass at the club a few weeks ago? Because after staring at your mutt face I realized that you're the player who was hitting on every piece of ass in the club that night. Like holy shit, you were insanely hammered and there was that blonde chick who-" The wolf was instantly cut off by Kagome's glare.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes down at the hanyou and frowned, "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not.." Inuyasha looked away, "I hit rock bottom...and I got really drunk...and I think it's best we don't talk about this because I really don't need anything more to add to my troubles..."

The demon huffed and shook his head, "Better to just ignore that for now then...though I swear I will beat it out of you if I hear this again...especially from that cur's mouth."

"Hey! Who you calling cur, you pansy assed shih tzu!" The wolf growled.

"I am not a shih tzu!" Sesshomaru snarled, making both Kagome and Inuyasha sigh and roll their eyes. At least the hanyou dodged potential punishment for letting himself hit on every woman in the club that night. It wasn't like he would have gotten far with them...not like before, but he knew he'd have to watch himself if he was to let himself hit that low again. He didn't need any more reason to hurt himself, not when he'd have to face his father and ask for a job.

Not to mention explain why.

Inuyasha could already feel his insecurities building up over the plan, and he hoped he wouldn't have to stay there long. It was hard enough to be in the house where everything fell apart, it would be even harder to stand in the building his father had erected and ran. The idea of working for his father, after years of resisting, was beyond terrifying. He wasn't ready to watch his control slip from his fingers again. He wasn't ready to have that man know about his love for his best friend's son.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

* * *

Inuyasha stood awkwardly outside of his father's company building, shouldering a bag he had bought just in case the old man actually gave him the job. He had redone his resume, even though he knew his father wouldn't give two shits what he had done and what he hadn't. All his father really cared about was his talent and that he was surviving, though that would be thrown out the window for this interview.

His father had always wanted him to take over the company, even if his talent was for art and not business at all. While some marketing was involved in his own career choice, it wasn't as much as his father's job. The man was like every other old guy out there, wanting what was best for his son, but sometimes Inuyasha felt like he secretly was disappointed in his choices. That itself only made him feel worse for his bad habits. Who knew if his parents had ever caught on to his sexuality or addictions, it still scared him that he could be such a disappointment if he ever revealed it to them. This was why he hated the idea of taking his father's many offers to get a job here. There was too much in his life at stake, and with Sesshomaru's father and himself part of the company as well, he had a sinking feeling that they'd never be able to see each other now without being constantly questioned.

"I don't even know why I agreed to this shit..." he mumbled to himself as he walked inside and headed through the lobby to the secretary. Getting his visitors pass, and access to the elevators, he made it up to his father's office floor in no time, expression hard as he walked through the cubicles with purpose. He could do this, it was just a fucking job, but what bothered him was how his father would take it all as. As much as he respected his son as an artist, he did need a heir to the company. He wanted Inuyasha to take it over. The hanyou growled as he came to the large office doors that lead to his father.

There was no way in hell he would take over this place. He didn't want this life, he barely wanted the life he was living now, but what could he do? Sesshomaru suggested this, but did he know that working in the same building would keep them apart even more? Sighing, he knocked on the door and opened it, walking into the large room where his father sat on the opposite end.

"I have to admit, Inuyasha, I was surprised to see you on the interview list today." His father smirked, leaning back in his large chair.

"Trust me...I'm surprised myself..." Inuyasha grumbled, taking the seat across from him.

Hideki Takahashi was the typical father of a rich household; proud of his son, yet wanting nothing more than to see him take over his whole life. Marry young, have a couple kids, and be successful all at once with the plan he had laid out for him. If by chance, Inuyasha had had a sibling, he could go on living his own life. But now he had no choice but to bend to his father's will just so he could survive.

And it sickened him

It sickened him how shamefully Hedeki tried to get him to work here yet still be an amazing dad and support him in whatever. He was so backwards and upside down. Nothing made sense when it came to discussing the business with him. Inuyasha already knew how this would go. He knew the moment Sesshomaru made the suggestion. He wasn't stupid.

"So, Inuyasha, why did you come here?" His father asked, hands folded together, now leaning over his desk as he looked at him.

Placing his files on the table for his father, the hanyou took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with. "I was fired from the store...Sesshomaru suggested I ask you for work," He looked up at Hideki, "I was opposed to it, but I do not have enough money to continue not working."

"How did you get yourself fired?"

Lord, he knew that this was going to get bad, but he didn't want to lie to his father. He didn't want him to feel pride in him. Inuyasha didn't want him to think he was going to stay here. "I missed a few days..."

"A few days!?"

"I didn't want to be there as it was! I was harassed every fucking day, dad!"

"That is no excuse to not show up! I would understand if you quit while you had another job lined up, but you got yourself fired and you're trying to play innocent?"

"It's not like that!"

"Then what is it?"

"None of your fucking business!" The hanyou slammed his hand down on the table as he stood up, ears yanked back as he glared down at his father. He knew that the man probably caught side of his scars when he moved, and he was sure that his father was catching on, but who knew. His parents were always in denial about this. Inuyasha was the perfect son in their eyes. No flaws, no mental instability. He was cunning, smart and artistic, that was all they saw in him, and it pissed him off.

Narrowing his eyes, his father sat back and grabbed his file, "So let me guess...you're going to continue your art while you work here...and Sesshomaru suggested you come to me when you know what I want?"

"He just cares dad...any  _friend_ would," Inuyasha muttered, hoping that if he emphasized friend he wouldn't start asking if something else was going on with them. He had caught him on top of him once, and they were hanging around each other more often than not again. But would he suspect that his son was in love with him? What would he do if he found out? They wouldn't be able to come to work together, and they would have to be more cautious. Who knew what would happen to them.

"...Let us go over the position...and we will talk more personally later." Hideki sighed and turned his computer screen around to talk about the job.

Inuyasha had heard it before, many times actually, so he easily tuned it out and nodded when he knew he should, spoke when he was supposed to, and walked out an hour later when a job under his belt, a happy father, and more depression and anger than he could handle. Getting into his care a few minutes after leaving the office, he pulled over his seat belt, drove the half hour it took to get to Sesshomaru's apartment and parked in the same spot he parked in every single time he visited. Pulling up his fist, he attempted to beat the pain out of himself, knowing it was useless, knowing he was being stupid and the demon would just ask why he was bruised all over again. He didn't care anymore though. He hated this, hated everything!

Leaving the car and going into the apartment building, he only had to knock once for Sesshomaru to fling open the door and look down at him. His gold eyes were filled with worry and suspense, waiting for whatever the hanyou had to say. Did he get it, did he not? He could see the questions turning in the demon's head and all he could do was grab him by his shirt and yank him down into a bruising kiss, only letting him go when he had to breathe.

"Sex first...then we talk," The hanyou snarled as he pushed Sesshomaru back inside and slammed the door shut.

* * *

"MMnng!" The hanyou cried out as he was thrust into hard. God damn it, he would never be used to his cock. But it felt so good, it was the pain he needed, the pleasure he craved. Yes, he loved his girth, he loved his cum, he loved everything about Sesshomaru in bed.

As the demon held him down by his wrists, his lower body to the side with one leg over the demon's shoulder, the other between his, Inuyasha cried out and smiled with each trust into his ass. He could feel himself stretch, the slap of skin between them only making it all the more intense and erotic. Feeling Sesshomaru grip his wrists tighter, the hanyou prepared for the next few minutes of assault on his ass. Trusting harder, his body rolling with it, the demon breathed hard through his nose, biting his lip as he growled. His hair fell forward around them, his bangs sticking to his forehead with sweat.

Inuyasha loved this, loved the way he looked so messy and disorganized. The way his cheeks flushed made the hanyou's hard on grow, and when he pounded him like this, like it was okay for only him to bruise him nearly sent him over the edge. As he got closer and closer to climax, the artist began to whine, wishing for some sort of friction for his own cock. He needed it, it was already red with how hard he was trying to hold his orgasm back. Looking up at the demon, he opened his mouth, drool slipping down the side of his face right away.

"S-Sessh...maru..." He moaned, surprised when his leg was suddenly dropped to the side and the demon pulled out...only to force his knees up and slam right back into him. Oh, so he was going to change it up. For a moment the hanyou wondered what else he would do.

"Hold your ass open..." The demon snarled, forcing the hanyou's hands down. Complying, Inuyasha spread his ass for his lover as he picked up his thrusts again, this time, wrapping his hands around his neck and squeezing just enough to have him barely get a breath in. Oh god, this was much different, "You keep hurting yourself...it makes me want to hurt you too...and it's..wrong..." Sesshomaru gasped, forcing himself all the way in and then out.

In and out, slapping harder and harder, his cock hitting that spot over and over, making Inuyasha's eyes roll back and his mouth to hang open. He gasped for breath but only drooled more, and his claws dug into his own ass as the demon's claws dug dangerously into his neck. He didn't care if it was wrong what his lover thought, he wanted him to hurt him physically like this too. It was hot, it made him horny, it made his cock twitch.

Breathing harder, the demon above him soon let his neck go and grabbed his cock instead, pumping it hard. His strokes were rough and they matched his thrusts perfectly, making Inuyasha arch his back, letting his ass go as he grabbed for the sheets. He came hard, his vision flashing white as his mouth hung open in his silent and strangled release. Sesshomaru soon followed, bending down as he fucked him hard into the mattress and sunk his teeth into the hanyou's open neck. Feeling the demon's cum fill him up, spilling over the sides of his dick, Inuyasha soon relaxed from the bite and his orgasm, sinking into the bed.

Sitting up, the demon removed himself, watching his seed spill out of his lover and onto his bed. Using his fingers, he carefully scooped it up and sucked it off his skin. Bending over him again, he kissed the hanyou, who eagerly tasted himself, wrapping his arms around him. It didn't matter what he did to him. He felt better when they fucked like this, in fact he felt better whenever they fucked in general. Whether it be soft and loving, or rough and quick, Inuyasha couldn't deny that he was addicted to the feeling he gained afterwards.

"You...always make me feel better...you know that?" He murmured against the demon's mouth, fingers tangling in his hair. God, he loved his hair...his face...his mouth...

"Mm...It's always good to hear it more..." Sesshomaru chuckled, kissing him again and again, moving down to his neck where there was no doubt a couple puncture wounds now, "Now...did you get the job?"

"Yes...And like I thought...he pissed me off and made me feel like shit..." Inuyasha grumbled.

"It's only for a little...in no time we'll be going to your gallery openings and drinking cheap liquor and being ourselves...I promise."

"I just don't want him to get the wrong idea...I also don't want..." He couldn't finish what he wanted to say. As much as he loved the demon, they both knew that this wasn't good for their families. Both sides had goals for their sons, and both sides didn't understand that love could be found whether you liked women or men. They both knew they weren't gay, they just...only loved one another.

"I know...they won't...they haven't found out yet...so they won't find out now," The demon sighed, kissing the artist's forehead before slipping off the bed, "I'm going to order food in, what do you want?"

"Anything, as long as you fuck me like that again," Inuyasha smirked.

"Ha ha, you're lucky I even did that once. I'll get pizza, you go shower...heal up fast...I only like the bruises I put on you. It shows that you're mine." The demon looked back at him before disappearing out of the room.

Naturally, the demon knew just how to handle his problems now. It seemed things could maybe get better this way. All he had to do was survive long enough to go on with his own life. He would play for his father for now, but he wouldn't play long enough for it to stop being a game.


End file.
